Complicated Love
by Dopey1983
Summary: My 1st ever Fan Fic - C&J The path of true love never runs smoothly-Clarisse loves Joseph and he loves her but its more complicated than that!With a country, a nurse, parliment and a Viscount all being hurdles they need to overcome, will their love win!
1. Chapter 1

Joseph walked swiftly towards his suite, his heart was beating so fast. As he closed the door, he clenched his fist and punched the wall, he felt like his whole life had just collapsed around him, his heart was broken, and all his dreams were shattered. Tears formed in his eyes as he took a deep breathe, he reached for his car keys and headed off, he need to get out of the palace, everything around him reminded him of her and right now being reminded of her was the last thing he needed. He moved along the dark corridors trying not to be seen but as her turned the corner to the stairs he bumped straight into Charlotte. Charlotte had witnessed the scene between the Queen and Joseph only ten minutes earlier and she could see he was hurt, and she was unsure what to say 'Joe are you alright?' she stuttered

'Fine thank you Charlotte , now if you will excuse me' Joseph tried to walk past her

'You going somewhere?' she asked noticing the keys in his hand

'Just out' he replied as he made his way quickly down the stairs, he didn't want to talk to anyone right now and he certainly didn't want to bump in Clarisse

'Joe! Are you coming back?' she shouted but he didn't reply and continued down the stairs and exiting the palace. I hope so' she whispered with tears in her eyes. Joe had become like a big brother to her, they often had chats in the kitchen about nothing in particular but she liked talking about the rubbish little things. He never talked about his feelings for the Queen but she knew he loved her with all his heart, she couldn't explain it but she just knew. Even when he was linked to the beautiful brunette nurse Victoria from Madrid she knew he was just trying to pretend that his feelings for the Queen were a fantasy and not real. However after a few dates he had to break the young nurses heart, she truly had fallen for him like a lot of other women but his heart would only ever lie with one person and that was Queen Clarisse and he knew it and felt it was unfair to string the nurse along.

Joseph got into his car, started the engine and sped away, skidding the wheels on the gravel. He didn't know where he was going, he didn't care he just needed to get away from her and everything that reminded him of her. He loved her so much and her rejection was like being stabbed through the heart, he would prefer to be dead than have to see her everyday and know they couldn't be together. If she really wanted me, if she really loved me then she would have done everything to be with me, he thought. The more he thought the more angry he became and suddenly he found that he wasn't in full control of the car. He placed his foot on the brake suddenly and the car spun in the road before hitting a tree.

Meanwhile back at the palace Clarisse sighed as she turned the music off, tears formed in her eyes as Josephs face filled her mind, the hurt in his eyes, stabbed her over and over. She loved him, she did, but it wasn't that simple he must understand that she thought. Why was life so complicated, she had spent all her life doing things to suit other people, that was her life, she didn't know any different and now was no different. She couldn't rule with her heart, not yet anyway, Mia still needed her. Tears fell as the last ten minutes run over and over in the head, she couldn't get Josephs face out of her mind. She reached for a napkin on the table and dabbed at her tears, she couldn't let the staff see her like this, what would they think. She should fin Joesph she though, try and explain, make him understand that she did love him, he knew that though didn't he. Maybe he should be left to calm down, talking to him in the morning maybe a better idea. That's what she would do, she would wait until morning, allowing him to calm down, maybe she could make him understand and listen then she thought as she made her way towards her suite. As she walked the long corridor she heard the sound of a car skidding, it was very loud 'Olivia dear what was that noise?' she asked as Olivia appeared around the corner

'I'm not sure Your Majesty, would you like me to go and ask Joseph ma'am?'

'No, no it's alright thank you, I'm sure he has it covered' she replied, she didn't want anyone bothering Joseph tonight

'Will there be anything else ma'am?'

'No thank you Olivia, I will be retiring for the evening, unless its urgent I do not want to be disturbed'

'As you wish ma'am' Olivia bowed before hurrying off down the corridor leaving Clarisse to enter her suite. As she closed the door of her suite, she allowed the tears to flow freely, what had she done, she had just lost the only man she had ever loved, she had let him walk out and away from her. As she approached her bedroom the realisation of the past twenty minutes suddenly hit her and she collapsed onto her bed sobbing.

Joe lay his head on the steering wheel, what was happening to him, how could one woman affect him in this way causing him to lose control like this he thought. Blood dripped from his head as he reached for his mobile and dialled the palace number 'Charlotte?'

'Joe is that you?' she asked

'Charlotte I have done something stupid and I need your help'

'What have you done? Are you alright?' she asked with panic in her voice, she knew how upset he had been when he left

'I am fine, I just lost control of my car and hit a tree'

Charlotte gasped 'Joe'

'It's ok honestly I am alright, but the car isn't, can you get someone to come and pick me up please'

'Of course, straight away, where are you?'

'On the Western track near Rose cottage, you know it?' he asked

'Yes I will get Shades to come and get you'

'No Charlotte please, could you come, I don't want anyone knowing about this'

'As you wish I will be with you as soon as possible'

'Thank you' he sighed with relief 'Thank you'

About twenty minutes later Charlotte arrived 'Oh Joe your bleeding' she placed her hand to his head

'Its just a scratch' he replied

'When you left like that earlier I was so worried' she hugged him 'I didn't think I would ever see you again'

'If I am honest I don't know whether I would have come back'

'What happened Joe?'

'I just lost control'

'No why did you leave, what happened?'

'Oh Charlotte I would rather not…..'

'I saw you Joe' she interrupted

'Saw me?'

'Yes with Queen Clarisse, do you think I can't see how you feel about her?'

'I didn't think I was that obvious'

'Well you are' she smiled 'I know you love her Joe, so tell me why did you rush off like that'

'I asked her to marry me' he blurted out

Charlotte looked shocked 'Really?'

Joe nodded, tears formed in his eyes 'And she said no?' she said

'Yes, yes she did' a tear escaped down his cheek

'Oh Joe I'm so sorry' she hugged him tightly 'What are you going to do?'

'I really don't know, I just needed to get out of the palace, away from her, you understand that don't you. I didn't mean for this to happen, I just wanted some space to think'

'I understand, but running away wont solve anything will it and besides there are other people at that palace that would really miss you if you just left'

Joe smiled 'Like who?'

'Me for one, oh come on Joe, your like my brother'

'Oh Charlotte I see you like my little sister too but I'm not sure if I am going to be able to stay at the palace, seeing her everyday'

'Joe, this is one of the most important weeks in the royal calendar with Mia getting married, the Queen is going to need you, you wouldn't leave her now would you. You know what risks there are going to be on the day, could you really leave one of the less experienced staff protect the Queen and princess on such a high profile day'

'No' he admitted 'I couldn't'

'Well then, I know your hurting but please come back and do your job, see how it goes'

'Ok'

'Thank you' she kissed his cheek 'Come on get in and I'll take you back, if we go now, no one will even know we had gone. I will organise for your car to be towed and fixed up without anyone knowing anything'

'What would I do without you?' she smiled

'Well don't let yourself ever find out ok'

'Ok'

'We really should get your head looked at you know, its bleeding quite badly, it probably needs stitches'

'It will be fine'

'Joe you wont be fine if you bleed to death, now I am taking you to Dr Luca before we head back to the palace without any arguments'

'If you insist but really there is no need'

'I do' she replied before setting off on the dark windy roads

The following morning Clarisse rose from her bed early, she had hardly slept all evening, tossing and turning, she couldn't stop thinking about Joseph. She needed to talk to him, to make sure he was alright and that they were alright. She had an important few days ahead and she needed him, not just as her bodyguard but as her friend too.

'Morning your majesty' Olivia smiled

'Morning'

'Your up early this morning ma'am'

'Yes I have a very busy schedule today' she replied 'I wont be needing anything this morning Olivia so you may be excused'

'Thank you ma'am' she bowed before exiting

Clarisse followed behind heading towards Josephs suite, her heart was beating faster as she approached his door. She knocked lightly before entering, hopefully she would find him relaxed and ready to talk she thought, however she wasn't prepared to find an empty room, a bed that looked like it hadn't been slept in and a hole in the wall. She placed her hand near the hole in the wall and sighed 'Oh Joseph, what have I done' She wiped at the loose tear that escaped her eyes before exiting his suite and heading back to hers where she found Shades guarding her room 'Shades do you happen to know where Joseph is this morning please?'

'Is he not in his suite ma'am?' he asked

'No I tried there'

'I m sorry ma'am I don't know then'

'Ok thank you' she smiled before entering her suite where she found Charlotte placing the day's list of events on her table as she did every morning 'Morning your Majesty' Charlotte bowed

'Good Morning Charlotte, is that today's schedule?'

'It is ma'am, you have quite a busy day today'

'Yes, um Charlotte, you haven't seen Joseph this morning have you'

'Yes ma'am, he was down in the kitchen just a moment ago'

Clarisse couldn't help but smile 'And did he look alright?'

'Yes ma'am'

'Good, thank you Charlotte' the relief on her face was clear to see. When she had found his room untouched she had feared that he may have left.

'Will there be anything else ma'am?'

'No thank you, I will be down for breakfast in ten minutes'

'Very well' she bowed before leaving, heading straight for the kitchen to find Joe. He had made her promise to keep everything as normal, he didn't want Clarisse to find out he had confided in anyone about his proposal and if him working at the palace was going to work he had to have everything to continue as normal. 'Joe' Charlotte called 'I thought you might like to know your majesty is preparing for breakfast'

'Thank you Charlotte'

'What are you going to tell her when she asks about your head, as she will you know that don't you'

'I don't know, I suppose I will have to tell a small white lie, Dr Luca was very kind stitching it up last night'

'Yes he's a lovely man'

'And single' he winked

'Oh stop it now' she playfully hit him 'I think I have enough problems dealing with your love life never mind my own don't you think' she laughed

'I'm sorry I have involved you in all this'

'Don't be silly, we all need a shoulder to cry on, you are mine so I am just repaying the favour'

'Thank you' he hugged her just as Clarisse entered 'Oh sorry' Clarisse looked shocked

'No need to be' Charlotte replied 'Joe was just…. He was just..'

'I was just thanking Charlotte for all her help, I had an accident this morning and she helped me out' Joe interrupted as he could see Charlotte was struggling

'Yes, yes that's right' Charlotte smiled nervously 'If you'll excuse me I have a few phone calls to make' Charlotte excused herself quickly.

Clarisse watched Charlotte rush off and then turned her attention back to Joseph 'What happened to your head?' she asked looking concerned and moving closer to him

Joseph stepped back away from her, he couldn't have her too close it was too painful 'As I said I had an accident this morning, Charlotte was kind enough to help me'

'Joseph please' she reached her hand up to touch his face but Joseph moved away 'I have work to do' he said

'Don't do this please, we need to talk' she said looking hurt by his ice-cold behaviour

'I think we both said everything there is to be said last night and we both know where we stand, now if you'll excuse me'

'No Joseph' she grabbed his arm preventing him leaving 'You have to listen to me, I seen your room, the hole'

'I apologise for the damage ma'am I will pay for it to be fixed'

'Is this what its come too, you reverting back to formalities with my queen and ma'am. Do you really think I care about the damage to the wall Joseph, is that what you really think'

He couldn't look at her, his heart was aching, he wanted to take her into his arms and kiss her but he knew it was never going to happen, not now, she had made her decision last night and he couldn't allow her to tease him. He wasn't a toy that could be played with when it suited the Queen, he was a human being with feelings, strong feelings and those feelings had been shattered the moment she said no. 'Joseph look at me please' she practically begged 'I don't care about the wall but I do care about you, I care that I hurt you so much that you would want to punch a wall, and are those stitches something to do with how your feeling too, are they my fault too?' she cried

'I can't do this, please excuse me' he released himself from her hold and rushed past her leaving her with tears running down her cheeks. She really had lost him she thought, part of her had hoped that they would be able to go back to normal today after they had both had time to think and calm down but seeing him this morning clearly showed that he was hurting just as much as she was and there was no going back this time.


	2. Chapter 2

Later that morning Clarisse was in her office signing papers when there was a knock on the door 'Come in' Clarisse called as she removed her glasses

'Your Majesty' Joseph bowed

'Joseph, I….I didn't expect…..Is everything alright?'

'Yes ma'am everything is fine, I just wanted to come and go through a few changes I will be implemented in the security over the next two weeks, do you have time to go through them now ma'am' he said remaining completely professional, another quality Clarisse loved about him

'Um yes of course, please do take a seat, I am sure any changes you make will be for the better Joseph, you don't have to go through them with me really'

'Yes ma'am I do' Joe replied as he placed a hand written envelope on her desk

'What's this?' she asked as she picked it up

'That ma'am is my resignation'

Clarisse gasped 'Oh no Joseph please'

'I have thought about this very carefully and feel it is time I moved on'

'Where will you go?' she asked with tears forming in her eyes

'Back to Madrid, Victoria, you may remember her, she has invited me to stay with her and I have accepted'

For the first time in many years, Clarisse found herself speechless and she couldn't control her emotions as tears visibly run down her cheeks 'Victoria, the nurse?'

'That's correct ma'am, I feel it will be for the best'

'What about Mia, the wedding?'

'As my letter explains, I will be staying on at the palace until the princess is crowd as Queen and then I will leave, I don't want to shake my responsibility for looking after either of you during these important times ma'am'

'How considerate!' she quipped

'If you would like me to leave before ma'am I will understand, I am sure Shades would do just as good a job as myself'

'Stop Joseph, stop this ma'am this, ma'am that, this is me your talking too, there is no one else around, its me Clarisse, plain old boring Clarisse' she snapped 'You know damn well that Shades would not do as good a job as you, that's why you are head of security'

'Yes that's right I am, but when I leave Shades will take over the role'

'I don't want Shades protecting me or anyone else for that matter'

'Well you know it is not possible for you to walk around unprotected, I just wanted you to know my plans that is all, I think I owe you that much' he stood from the chair 'Thank you for your time your majesty, if you have any further questions I will be in the security office' he bowed before walking towards the door, he stopped before opening the door, the love he held for her came shooting through his body and tears stung his eyes, he turned to face her 'I love you Clarisse and no matter where I am or what I am doing I always will' he sobbed, this was the softest she had seen him since the previous night

'Then why are you leaving me' she asked

'Because I have too, I can't live like this anymore, seeing you everyday and knowing I cant have you. Its like someone dangling a toy I have always wanted in front of me and then whipping it away all the time, teasing me and its not fair, it breaks my heart'

'Then why stay until Mia is Queen, why not just go now?'

'Because I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you on either of those two huge occasions, I want to make sure you are safe before I leave. I couldn't bare anything happening to you Clarisse, no matter what you think of me right now, I love you and I would die for you'

Clarisse rose from her chair and moved swiftly over to him 'I love you too' she cried as she placed her hands on his face 'I don't want you to leave, I can't live here without you'

'Don't be silly' he smiled 'You are strong, you have been through worse'

He was so close to her now, her heart was beating so fast 'Please' she sobbed 'I love you'

Joe couldn't resist anymore and let his heart rule his head, he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her softly, the kiss was filled with so much emotion 'I love you too' he whispered between kisses 'Marry me Clarisse' he said as he was carried away with the moment

'You know I can't' she breathed kissing him again

Suddenly the hurt from the previous night came flooding back and his head started ruling his heart, he removed his hands from her face and leaned back away from her 'How stupid am I, I let you do it again' he said moving away from her

'Joseph?' she said questioningly

'Your doing it again, reeling me in, getting me where you want me, using me and then pushing me to one side when I want commitment'

'That's not true Joseph, how can you say that, I would never use you'

'I have waited for you for 25 years and you still wont commit yourself to me'

'You know its not that I don't want to Joseph' she tried placing her hands on his face again but he moved away

'Isn't it?' he asked 'I would die for you Clarisse that is how much I love you but you wont even allow me to put a ring on your finger, what does that tell you about how much you love me'

'Joseph why are you saying all these things you know how I feel about you, you know I have loved you for years'

'I thought I did but now I'm not so sure, my decision is the right one, I know that now. I will work my notice and I would like to tell the staff if that's ok with you'

'I wont except you resignation Joseph, I wont let you go'

'That is something that you cant control Clarisse, you cant stop me leaving, so if that is all ma'am' he bowed before exiting the office with red teary eyes, that was the hardest thing he had ever had to do but he wouldn't let her have him when she wanted and then hide him when it suited, a relationship should be open and equal not hidden and one sided.

Clarisse uncharacteristically slumped into her chair and sobbed once again, why couldn't she just tell everyone about them, she loved him, what was the crime in that! She was ruining any chance of happiness she had because her relationship would be frowned upon. She could still feel the kiss, so soft and delicate, so Joseph, he was always so gentle and made her feel like the most important person in the room. The thought of him moving back to Madrid and staying with Victoria sent shivers down her spine. Was he telling her to make her jealous, as this girl was once a love interest for Joseph, if that was what he was hoping then it had worked as she was jealous, he hadn't even left yet but she felt hostility towards this woman that she had barely met already.

The rest of the week passed without any problems, Joseph had taken a two day vacation to Madrid to meet up with Victoria and discuss the details of him moving in with her in a few weeks. This vacation also allowed him time away from Clarisse and the intense atmosphere that surrounded them when they were in a room together. His absence was obviously taking its toll on Clarisse who had spent most of the two days in her suite claiming she wasn't feeling well but the truth was she was missing him and she couldn't help but think about what he was doing with Victoria. She knew she was being silly as he loved her, he had told her just that three days ago and she knew he wouldn't cheat on her but then technically he wouldn't exactly be cheating would he she thought as they were not together. She suddenly felt this deep sadness that she had no right to be angry with him for visiting this woman as he wasn't with anyone and therefore he was free to do what he wanted. She pressed her head into her pillow once again and cried herself to sleep.

Later that evening Joseph arrived back at the palace, Charlotte greeted him in the lobby 'Oh I'm so glad you back' she hugged him 'Was it a good trip?'

'It was thank you' he smiled 'I had time to think'

'Did it help?'

'I'm not sure, it was hard being away but at the same time it was easier not bumping into her every day'

'Well none of us have bumped into her the past few days Joe'

'What do you mean? Is she alright?' he looked concerned

'She has told us staff that she has been feeling unwell but I don't believe that for one second. She has been in her suite since you drove away from the palace Joe, she has missed you'

'And I missed her Charlotte but however hard it is for both of us we are going to have to get used to it'

'Why?'

'We love each other but cant be together the way I want us to be, sometimes I feel like I love her more than she does me. I understand she is the Queen of Genovia and with that there are responsibilities but her rein is nearly over and she still wont commit to me and I can't go on being used'

'Joe are you saying what I think your saying?'

'After the princess is crowned Queen, I will be leaving the palace and going back to Madrid'

'No Joe there has to be another way' she cried

'If there is I can't see it, I'm sorry Charlotte'

'But we are your family now'

'You are like my family Charlotte and I will always love you like my little sister but staying here will tare me apart and slowly I will become someone I wont like very much'

'Will you go back to your family, is that where you have been the past two days'

'No, I was with Victoria, you remember her?'

'The nurse?'

'Yes that's her, she phoned me out of the blue a few weeks ago asking me if I had sorted my head out yet as she still wondered what it would have been like if we had stayed together'

'So you cant have the Queen so you are going to jump straight into bed with the pretty brunette who throws you some attention, is that it' she snapped

'No'

'Then how would you explain it! You have just stood here and told me you love Queen Clarisse and now your telling me in a few weeks time you are moving in with Victoria the young nurse who fell madly in love with you while she was working here in Genovia just last year'

'I do love Clarisse'

'You have a funny way of showing it'

'Charlotte, do you really think I would just move on from the Queen so quickly and jump into the first bed on offer, well do you' he said with his temper rising, how could anyone think he could move on so quickly, his feelings were not some silly crush they were real

'I'm sorry Joe' Charlotte began wiping at a tear 'its just this has come as quite a shock'

'I love Clarisse with all my heart and there will never be anyone like her ever, no one will have my heart like she does no one'

'Then why Victoria, why cant you move home to your mothers'

'Mam has no room for me and besides I like Victoria, she is a lovely girl and good company plus she has a spare room'

'You know she will want more than friendship Joe, your not that naïve are you?' she stated

'I am aware of that and who knows in time maybe I could return her love and we could try and be a couple'

'And what about Queen Clarisse?'

'As I said before, I will always love Clarisse and I will never love anyone else like I love her but she has made her feelings very clear, everything has to be on her terms and I don't want to live like that anymore, I want to be with someone who isn't ashamed of me and wants to hide me away. In time we will both have to move on and maybe we will both find new partners' he said with tears running down his cheeks 'This isn't how I want it Charlotte, what I would do to just run up those stairs to her suite, take her into my arms and love her like she deserves to be loved, but I cant, its not what she wants'

'That's not true and you know it Joe, deep down you know the Queen would be more than happy for you to appear at her suite tonight unexpected'

'Your right she would for a few brief moments until I brought up the commitment word and then she would revert back to the Queen who isn't aloud to love or to be loved by any man'

'She really has hurt you hasn't she?' she said

'My heart aches every moment of everyday, I feel like I am not whole and the only way I can fix it is if I leave, please understand'

'I do' she smiled wiping at her tears 'Doesn't mean I want you to go or that I wont miss you'

'I will miss you too, but you can come on vacation to see me'

'I will make sure I do that' she hugged him 'I just worry what will happen when you leave, to the Queen I mean' she looked up into his eyes, she could see the pain through his teary eyes 'She has missed you these past two days what will she be like when you leave forever'

'She is a strong woman, I am not saying it will be easy for her, just as it wont be for me but in time she will get through it and probably forget all about me'

'Now you know that's not true, who could ever forget about you, with that laugh of yours' she playfully hit him

'Oi, that is a good old fashioned Spanish laugh you are mocking' he smirked 'And what about yours, you sound like a hyena'

'Now that was uncalled for' she laughed 'Come on lets get you settled back in and I will inform Your majesty that you have returned safe and well, maybe then we will see her in the palace tomorrow rather than her suite'

'She will have to come out of her suite tomorrow, it's the day before the Princesses wedding'

'Of course, come on' she lead the way towards Joes suite helping him with his bags before heading off towards the Queens suite.


	3. Chapter 3

Charlotte knocked on the Queens door 'Come' she heard faintly and she opened the door finding her Queen sitting in her nightwear on the sofa. 'Sorry to disturb you your majesty but I thought you would like to know that Joseph has returned to the palace'

On hearing his name Clarisse immediately felt a sense of comfort 'Thank you Charlotte' she smiled

'How are you feeling?' Charlotte asked

'I am feeling a lot better thank you'

'That's good to here, will we be seeing you around the palace tomorrow ma'am'

'Yes there will be many things to take care of tomorrow'

'I will see you in the morning then' she bowed before heading to the door

'Charlotte' Clarisse called and Charlotte turned to face her 'Oh it doesn't matter thank you'

'Ma'am' she bowed again before exiting the room

As she watched the door close Clarisse sighed before swiftly moving over to the mirror to see how she looked. She began brushing her hair and then applied make-up before suddenly stopping and looking deep into the mirror 'What are you doing?' she said to her reflection 'He wont want to see you tonight, he has only just got back, you will see him tomorrow' she pulled off her earrings sighing before hearing a quiet tap on the door before it slowly opened. 'Joseph' she smiled

'Ma'am' he bowed

'Oh Joseph please not this again'

'Sorry' he whispered 'I told myself this wasn't a good idea but I couldn't help myself I have been told you have not been too well in my absence and I needed to make sure you were alright'

'I…I was thinking of coming to see you too before you knocked' she admitted

'You are looking well' he commented

'So are you, a good trip?'

'It was thank you' he smiled 'So are you feeling better?'

'A lot better thank you'

'Did you have a doctor?'

'There was no need, I was just feeling tired that's all, I needed a few days rest' she lied 'Did you do everything you wanted to on your vacation?'

'I didn't do much to be honest, however I have sorted things out for my return in a few weeks' Tears immediately formed in her eyes as he spoke about leaving, she couldn't bare the thought, she didn't want to believe it was going to happen

'I see' she said sadly

'Well I had better go to bed, all this travelling makes me quite sleepy. I'll see you tomorrow Ma'…Clarisse' he said before turning towards the door

'I missed you' she said suddenly and once she had his attention as he turned around she repeated the words softly

'As I did you' he simply replied, she made her way towards him 'Kiss me Joseph'

'If I kiss you now I wont want to stop Clarisse'

'Then don't stop, stay with me Joseph please'

'And what happens then? What happens when you wake up and find me next to you, will anything of changed?'

'I love you isn't that enough' she asked

'Not anymore Clarisse, you know that, I want you more than anything in the world but I don't just want part of you, the part that you keep hidden from everyone else, I want all of you, Clarisse the beautiful, intelligent lady and Clarisse the beautiful elegant Queen, but you are not willing to give me both are you?'

'You know I cant' she cried

'Then it is unfair to do this to us both, I will not take advantage of you. I don't want you to think that what I am doing right here right now is easy because Clarisse to be honest this is the hardest thing I have ever done but I know that if I don't stop myself now I will feel worse tomorrow when my heart gets broken again' a tear slipped down his cheek 'This was a mistake coming here, I knew what would happen before I came but I just couldn't stay away, I just needed to see you'

'I'm glad you did come' she cried

'Don't cry sweetheart' she wiped her tears away with his thumb, his soft skin sending shivers down her spine

'I cant help it' she said 'My heart is breaking'

'And it will break even more if we keep allowing ourselves to hurt each other, don't you see that'

'All I see is the man I love more than anything'

Joseph allowed his lips to brush over hers and she closed her eyes with his touch but they suddenly shot open when she heard his two final words of the night 'Goodnight Clarisse' before he slipped out of her room, leaving her sobbing once again.

Joseph entered his suite and poured himself a large drink, he needed something to dull the pain he was feeling. He knew it was his own fault for visiting her suite but staying away from her was hard, harder than he had first imagined. He downed the first drink before pouring himself another, how was he going to get through the next few days and weeks before he was able to leave, he thought. The two days away from her were hard, he knew they would be but not as hard as seeing her so close to him. He placed the empty glass on the table and made his way into the bathroom where he splashed his face with ice cold water, looking in the mirror 'This is for the best Joe' he said to his mirror image. He dried his face with a towel and made his way to his bed where he lay down and allowed his tears to finally run freely before dropping off to sleep.

Two days later Joseph was busy with the security team making sure everything was covered for the wedding later that day. He didn't want any mistakes or loop holes, he had to protect the two most important women in his life today. He had managed to avoid Clarisse for most of the previous day as he had a lot of meetings he needed to attend and he was glad as the moment they shared the night he returned to the palace still played over and over in his mind. Today was going to be different though as it was the Princesses wedding and he knew there was no avoiding her, in fact he was going to have to stay close to her today and guard her with his life as he knew Mia's wedding would lead to a lot of interest making it a huge security risk. As he continued to go through the plans with Shades, Mia tapped him on the shoulder 'Hey Joe, can I have a minute please?' she asked

'Sure princess, what can I do for you?'

'In private' she looked at Shades who quickly took the hint and made a swift exit leaving them alone

'Are you alright princess?' he looked concerned

'Yes, no, oh I don't know Joe, its not me its grandma' she sighed

'What about her?'

'There is something wrong, I don't know what but I can just tell, I'm worried about her'

'There is no need princess, your grandmother just has a lot on and she is also worried about you and your wedding and then there is the coronation, she has a lot to deal with at the moment'

'I suppose so, will you keep an eye on her please'

'Don't I always' he smiled

'Yes' she smiled as she hugged him 'Thank you Joe, you have made me feel happier now'

'I'm glad I could be of service'

'What would we do without you'

'You would have Shades' he replied

'Hardly the same' she laughed as she headed towards the stairs 'There's only one of you!' she shouted as she climbed the stairs, leaving him watching her feeling extremely guilty for not telling her the truth about the major changes that we awaiting her once she became a wife and queen. She loved her like she was his own granddaughter and leaving her was not going to be easy especially as she takes on her new role and is looking for role models to guide her but he had no choice, the longer he put off his move the worse it would be for all concerned.

Later that day Joseph made his way up to Clarisse's suite as planned to escort her to the Royal Wedding of the year, the most talked about event in Genovia. As he approached the large door he couldn't shake off the feeling he had had since he woke up that morning. He didn't know what it was, he just had a bad feeling about the day, something wasn't right but he just hadn't worked out what it was yet and it was beginning to worry him. The day was going to hard enough without the added concern of something going wrong he thought. How was he going to control his feelings for the present Queen and keep a levelled, focused head throughout the day, it was virtually an impossible task. He took a deep breathe, imaging the scene behind the door before knocking quietly and waiting for her approval to enter. On hearing her soft voice he opened the door and found him self freezing to the spot as he took in the amazing sight before his eyes, he couldn't help it, she looked so beautiful 'Ah Joseph its you, I wasn't expecting it to be you, you don't normally knock' she blushed as she suddenly realised Joseph was staring at her 'Joseph?'

'Oh um sorry Cl…sorry your majesty' he stuttered with his heart beating ten to a dozen, what he would have given to sweep her into his arms and kiss her right now he thought 'I thought it was more appropriate to knock ma'am' he bowed

Clarisse sighed, once again the man she so dearly loved had reverted back to his Head of Security head, the Queens employer, building a brick wall between them again. If it wasn't for her needing to be at the church in an hour she would have challenged him about it once again but she knew it would inevitably end in an argument and neither of them needed that today she thought. Instead she thought it best to ignore his behaviour and challenge him later when they had more time. 'So tell me will I do? She asked as she twirled

Joseph moved closer to her, taking her hand in his before kissing it 'Absolutely stunning' was all he could say

'Thank you Joseph' she smiled, as she looked deep into his eyes, the love between them was obvious to see but the pain was clear too. 'We really should make a move ma'am' Joseph said trying to break up the tense atmosphere. He offered the Queen his arm and began leading her towards the door but before he could open the door Clarisse suddenly stopped 'Is something wrong?' he looked at her with concern as she removed her arm from his 'Joseph' she said softly 'May I ask something of you?'

Joseph nodded looking confused 'Tonight at the reception ball would you do me the honour of a dance?' she asked

'I will be on duty ma'am, it wouldn't be appropriate' he looked away from her eyes, looking at her made turning her down harder. He felt her hand on his cheek forcing him to face her 'Please' she whispered lovingly

'We have a complex security procedure in place today, as your head of security it would be inappropriate to be seen out of post'

'The wedding will be over, you using that as an excuse, besides being my head of security has never prevented you dancing with me before, remember the ball in San Francisco'

'I will never forget that evening Clarisse, you know that' he replied

'All I ask for is once dance, please' she was almost begging as tears built up in her eyes

'One dance will turn into two and then into three, Clarisse you know my feelings for you'

'I love you Joseph'

'But not enough' a loose tear escaped down his cheek

'Don't say that' she wiped away his tear

'It's true, what would you tell Parliament when they start to question us dancing together?' he asked

'They have seen us dance before, it would seem natural to them'

Joseph laughed 'Normal, nothing about us is normal Clarisse, so what if I did this' he cupped her face with his hands before leaning in and kissing her, the kiss began softly but soon both their emotions took over and it became more passionate. He finally pulled away looking stunned by what he had just done, although it was everything he wanted, he knew deep down he was causing more heartache for himself. 'So?' he said

'You wouldn't do that Joseph' she replied simply

'Wouldn't I, I am finding being near you harder and harder'

'No you wouldn't' she repeated

'No your right I wouldn't as I wouldn't want to embarrass you' he suddenly snapped removing his hands from her face 'I don't think we should continue this conversation now, you have a wedding to get to and I have strict times to abide too and looking at my watch we are already ten minutes behind' he reached for the door handle before he felt her hand on his arm pulling him to face her again 'Is that what you really think? She was almost crying 'that I am embarrassed of you?'

'We really need to go' he replied turning to the door, avoiding her eyes, which were visibly showing the pain she felt by his words. Before she could say anything further Charlotte knocked on the door, Joseph quickly opened it and smiled silently thanking Charlotte for saving him from situation he had found himself in. Charlotte immediately identified she had interrupted something between them and could feel the ice cold atmosphere between them 'I'm sorry to interrupt your majesty but the Prime minister has been asking when you are due to arrive'

'We were just leaving' Joseph replied as he once again offered his arm to Clarisse which she accepted before heading down the long corridor. 'Your Majesty' Charlotte uncharacteristically called, making Clarisse stop and turn to face her 'You look beautiful' she smiled as tears formed in her eyes

'Thank you Charlotte' she replied before turning back and continuing to walk down the corridor.

After a short drive through the crowded streets of Genovia they arrived at the church, Joseph climbed out of the car and opened the door for the Queen. As she got out of the car there were constant flashes as the Genovian press wanted the exclusive picture of their Queen on such an historical day. Although feeling extremely emotional and hurt by the conversation she had just had with Joseph she did what she did best and smiled for the cameras. As Joseph ushered Clarisse into the church, protecting her at all times Clarisse whispered 'We need to talk'

'I think we have talked enough' he replied opening the door for her to walk through. They were immediately greeted by the Prime Minister and Archbishop and took her place next to them, greeting everyone who arrived and thanking them for attending. Joseph stood guarding from the corner by the door, his eyes running over every person who walked through the doors, his bad feeling still hadn't subsided. About half an hour later Joseph received word through his earpiece from Shades that the Princess was leaving the palace and that everyone should take their places. He made his way over to Clarisse 'Ma'am' he bowed 'The Princess has just left the palace'

'Thank you Joseph' she smiled 'Gentlemen I think we should proceed inside, my granddaughter will be arriving shortly'

The Prime Minister offered her his arm, which she accepted reluctantly as she wanted Joseph to be standing beside her and they made their way into the full church. Once Clarisse had reached her seat, Joseph approached her 'Your Majesty, once the Princess has arrived I will take over protecting her for the rest of the service and Shades will watch over you from that corner' he pointed to the little spot not far from where she was sitting

'There is no need do this' she whispered thinking he was trying to avoid her

'This has been planned since early this morning ma'am, I thought it best to protect the future Queen myself today. I apologise for not informing you of the change in plans but I guessed you would have no objections'

He hadn't want to burden Clarisse with the real reason behind his sudden change in the plans as he didn't want to worry her especially as they were just based on a feeling he had woken up with.

'I see, have you changed any other plans?' she asked

'No ma'am'

'Ok thank you Joseph'

'Ma'am' he bowed before heading back up the aisle to greet the Princess

'Princess' he took his hand in his and kissed it softly 'May I say you look beautiful and Andrew is a lucky man'

'Thank Joe' she smiled 'I'm really nervous you know. Am I doing the right thing?'

'Only you can answer that question my dear' he replied

'I know' she sighed

Joseph turned to Shades who was standing next to Mia and Charlotte 'There is a small corner near the front of the church, you should be able to have a good view of the Queen from there at all times'

Shades nodded 'Oh and Shades remember what I said this morning'

'Yes Joe' he replied before heading into the church

'Is everyone here?' Charlotte enquired

'The church is full' he smiled 'Are you ready princess?'

'Ready as I will ever be'

Joseph smiled and moved closer to the doors before opening them leaving Mia feel the glare of all the eyes staring at her

'I cant do this, they are all looking, what if I fall' she said between her teeth

'You look beautiful and just take your time, you can do this' Joe said as he watched her walk past him. Once she had walked through the doors Joseph closed the doors and took his place next to Charlotte at the back of the church. He couldn't help but feel proud of her, like as if she was his granddaughter 'She looks beautiful doesn't she' he whispered

'They both do' Charlotte replied avoiding any eye contact

The Archbishop welcomed everyone to the wedding of Andrew and Mia and began the service, Mia looked happy even though the marriage had been arranged. Deep down she didn't feel for Andrew as she did for Nicholas but love wasn't everything, protecting the crown was the most important thing today she had thought. The Archbishop reached the part of the service where he asked if anyone knew of any lawful reason why they could not be married there was a deafening silence in the church and then suddenly the doors flew open 'Stop!' a young man shouted 'I object!' there was a large gasp in the room as all eyes turned to the young gentleman at the back of the church. Joseph moved in front of him 'I think you should leave' he said sternly

'Get out of my way' the young man hissed

'I can't do that sir, please don't make any more of a show than you have done already' he replied taking hold of his arm to lead him away

'I said get out of my way' he shrugged Joseph off him

'And I said I can't do that' as he finished his sentence he felt a sharp pain, he instinctively looked down placing his hand over the painful area, as he removed his hand he could see his hands were covered in blood, he had been STABBED!


	4. Chapter 4

The young man panicked, dropping the weapon on the floor before fleeing the scene. The noise level grew in the room as everyone tried to see what had happened 'Joe' Charlotte rushed to Joseph's side 'Your bleeding' she gasped

'Charlotte create a diversion' he managed to say quietly

'What?' she looked shocked

'Please create a diversion, this wedding must go ahead, think of the future of Genovia, please'

Reluctantly Charlotte stood in front of Joseph leaving Lionel attend to him 'Ladies and gentleman' she shouted and the room fell silent 'I apologise for the interruption, the gentleman has been detained so please do continue' she stuttered

Everyone turned back to the front of the church where the service continued. Clarisse and Mia were both completely oblivious of what had just occurred at the back of the church. Joseph meanwhile managed to move himself through the large doors before resting heavily against the wall in the lobby, waiting for help to arrive and watching as the policemen arrested the young lad responsible for his attack. Charlotte soon appeared through the doors rushing to Joe's side, where he had removed his jacket and had placed it to his wound 'We must get you to a hospital' she said before turning to the policeman guarding the main door 'Get an ambulance' she instructed

Joe placed one hand on her shoulder grabbing her attention 'No fuss' he said

'How can you say that, look at you, your bleeding'

'Is the wedding taking place?' he asked

'Why is this wedding so important to you? You have just been stabbed on duty, do you really think the Queen or Princess for that matter would really care about the wedding if they knew'

'Why do you think I didn't want them to know? This country means the world to Clarisse and the Princess is her only chance of ensuring Genovia continues' as we know it. I love her Charlotte and I want her to be happy' he held his jacket tighter to his wound and allowed a tear to escape down his cheek. Charlotte had never seen him look so vulnerable and she felt her own tears forming 'This isn't going to make her happy' she whispered 'She loves you too, she would want to be with you now'

'I don't want to put her in that position in front of all these people, its best she doesn't see this'

Charlotte turned to face the main doors as she heard the paramedics making their way in and she ushered them over to them with her hand 'What have we got?' the paramedic asked

'He's been stabbed' she replied

The paramedic immediately got to work on a now weak looking Joseph 'Will he be ok?' Charlotte asked

'We need to get him to hospital, he has lost a lot of blood' he replied as they moved Joseph onto a stretcher and placed an oxygen mask on his face. Joseph moved his hand to the mask removing it slightly 'Charlotte, don't leave me, I'm scared' he said barely audible

Charlotte instinctively placed her hand on his, she couldn't believe that this was the same Joseph, the Joe she knew wasn't scared of anything 'I'm not going anywhere' she cried 'But I need to tell the Queen'

'N……n…..no'

'Please sir you need to keep the mask on' the paramedic replaced the mask on his face. Charlotte moved over to the only two other people in the lobby area, the two policemen 'The Queen or Princess is not to here of this' she said but before they could reply the church doors opened and she heard Mia gasp. 'What's going on?' Andrew asked

Charlotte quickly spun around and made her way to the Princess and her new husband

'Charlotte?'

'Princess um I…you…' she stuttered

Mia didn't wait for Charlotte to regain her composure, she pushed past her and made her way over to the stretcher 'Joe' she gasped placing her hand to her mouth 'What happened?'

'Your highness' the paramedic bowed 'I don't mean to be rude but we really do need to get this gentleman to hospital'

'Joe' she placed her hand on his ignoring the paramedic. Joe opened his eyes 'Congratulations my dear' he breathed weakly

Mia turned back to where Andrew was standing, with tears streaming down her face and saw Clarisse being lead out of the church by the Prime Minister 'Grandma' she cried, Clarisse looked straight towards her and her expression immediately changed as she could see a visibly upset Mia surrounded by paramedics and policewho were holding onto a stretcher. She moved swiftly towards her 'What is it dear?' she asked before Mia moved slightly so Clarisse could see the face of the gentleman on the stretcher. The colour immediately drained from her face as her eyes focused on the man before her 'Joseph' she moved closer to him 'Oh my dear Joseph' she cried forgetting where she was for a few seconds 'What happened?'

'I am sorry your majesty, we really do need to get him to hospital' the paramedic said becoming impatient

'Of course' she replied still staring at his body 'I will travel with you'

Joseph once again struggled to lift his mask 'No' he barely managed to say. Clarisse felt like she had been punched in the stomach 'I want too' she placed her hand on his

'No' he repeated 'Pl…e.a..se' tears running down his cheek. Although he wanted her to be with him, he knew he would be forcing her into a situation where she had to choose him or her country and that wasn't the way he wanted her to choose. He loved her too much to force her into any decisions, she had decided days ago that she wasn't ready to go public with their love for each other and although it was hard for him to except he had to respect her wishes.

Clarisse turned to Charlotte still with her hand on his, she didn't want to let him go, she wanted to be with him but he didn't want that, it was becoming clear now that her rejection a few days earlier had hurt him more than she could ever have imagined 'Charlotte please will you accompany Joseph to the hospital'

'Of course ma'am' she bowed, with knowing that Joseph was scared she was relieved that the Queen had asked her to accompany him. She moved quickly to his side so he could see her. Joseph placed his other hand on top of Clarisse's 'I l..o….v….e…y…o..u' he said before their hands parted as the paramedics carried him towards the door

'I love you too' she whispered with tears in her eyes as she watched them take him away. She felt her legs becoming like jelly and sick feeling rising in her stomach. She was standing around a church full of people watching the only person she had ever truly loved being carried away, not knowing whether she would ever see him again. Why couldn't she just break down, show them all how much he meant to her, she hated herself for staying composed in front of everyone 'Grandma' Mia said placing her hand lightly on her shoulder 'Are you alright?'

Clarisse turned to face her granddaughter and could immediately see the fear in her eyes, the fear that she too was feeling, it was just that she had had many more years to perfect the false image. She immediately hugged her, allowing them both to comfort each other. They broke apart as Andrew placed his hand on Mia's shoulder 'Darling I have spoken to the inspector, it seems that Joseph was stabbed by the young gentleman who tried to interrupt the wedding'

'Oh' she broke down 'This is all my fault'

'No' Clarisse immediately said 'No darling it's not your fault'

'But if I wasn't getting married, that man wouldn't have been here and Joe…..and Joe wouldn't have been stabbed'

'Sweetheart listen' Clarisse placed her hand on Mia's chin making her look her in the face 'This is not your fault, these things happen sometimes, if it wasn't you it would have been me, it comes with the job unfortunately'

'But Joe…'

'Everyday Joseph is on duty he knows he is putting his life on the line for the crown'

'Then why does he do it?' she asked

Clarisse paused and swallowed trying to keep her composure 'Because he is a professional'

'What happens now? Should we follow the ambulance?'

'No' she said sadly, she wanted to so badly but he had made his wishes clear and while he was so ill she didn't feel she had the right to go against them 'We must continue with the reception, you have guests to entertain'

'But we cant'

'Yes we can, we are the Royal family, no matter what occurs we must go on, it is what the country expects'

'Well it sucks'

'Mia' Clarisse looked shocked

'I'm sorry grandma but it does'

'We will visit the hospital later, lets entertain our guests and give our country what they want first, it's what Joseph would want you to do'

'Alright' she sighed 'I need a few moments to touch up my make up before facing the press'

Clarisse gave a faint smile before nodding as approval 'I will go and face the press, they will want to know the situation' she said before taking a deep breath and heading for the doors. This was the last thing she wanted to do but as Queen she owed it to the country to inform them of the incident that had occurred. The doors slowly opened and accompanied by Shades she walked out into the flashing cameras and mass of reports 'Your Majesty, is it true that your head of security has been shot' a reporter shouted

'Is he dead' another said

She was finding it very difficult to keep her composure now 'I can inform you that Mr Bonnell the Royal head of security as been injured in an incident that occurred during Princess Mia's wedding'

'So he's not dead' a reporter shouted

'No Mr Bonnell is not dead' she said bravely trying to hide the tears forming in her eyes

'What's his condition!'

'That's all I am able to tell you at present but the palace will keep you updated on any further developments, thank you' she looked to Shades to help usher her through the crowds to the waiting car. As she got into the car and the door was closed she allowed her tears to flow freely.


	5. Chapter 5

It wasn't long until the incident at the Royal wedding of the year had been top news on all the channels worth watching on Genovia television. At the hospital Charlotte waited in the relatives room for news watching the reports and clips on the incident. She could hardly believe what had happened in the past 24 hours and she couldn't help but feel for the Queen, as she knew how she felt for Joe. As soon as she had any news she would report back to the palace she thought.

A few hours later, the reception was drawing to a close, Mia, Andrew and Clarisse had been exceptional hosts even though they were all concerned about the goings on at the local hospital. Clarisse in particular was feeling very drained, she hadn't heard anything from the hospital and she was beginning to tyre of smiling falsely for the guests benefit. Everything was a pretence and one she didn't want to uphold any longer, all she wanted was to see Joseph. 'Your Majesty' Shades bowed 'Charlotte is on the landline ma'am'

'Thank you' she replied before excusing herself to the remaining guests and heading for the phone. She lifted the handset shaking 'Charlotte, what is the news on Joseph?' she asked eagerly

'Ma'am the doctors have managed to stop the bleed after surgery, however he is currently having a blood transfusion'

'Have you seen him?'

'He is very weak ma'am but he is talking, he is asking for news of the wedding'

Clarisse smiled, that was a typical Joseph thing, putting everyone before himself 'You may tell him, the day went as planned with the exception of his injury'

'I will do that, thank you'

'Is he up to having visitors?'

Charlotte wasn't sure how to respond to that question as she thought he was, but she wasn't sure if the Queen was referring to her visiting and if that was the case she wasn't sure if Joe wanted that 'I'm not sure ma'am she replied 'He is very weak, maybe tomorrow'

'I see' she said sadly 'Please could you send him our best wishes'

'Yes ma'am'

'And please keep me updated on his progress'

'Yes ma'am' she repeated

'Thank you Charlotte' she said before replacing the handset and turning to face Shades 'He is stable but weak'

'He is a strong man' he replied simply

'Shades would you get a car ready, I would like to pay the hospital a visit once the last of the guests have left'

'It's rather late ma'am'

'It is less likely anyone will see me at this time'

'As you wish ma'am'

'Thank you' she smiled as she watched him head down the hall. She knew Charlotte had discouraged her from visiting just yet but she couldn't go any longer without seeing him for herself. The last time they had spoken kept going round and round in her head, they had argued and she needed to put that right. She needed to speak to him, make him understand that she loved him. Him being angry with her for ignoring his wishes was a chance she was now willing to take, she loved him and she needed to tell him.

Clarisse stayed around until the last of the guests had left and then she explained to Mia that she was going to visit Joseph while it was dark to avoid the press interest. She told her that it was best she travelled alone tonight but that she could visit him in the morning. Clarisse was uncharacteristically quiet on the short journey from the palace to the Genovian General Hospital, she was rehearsing what she would say to Charlotte and to Joseph when she saw them. The car finally stopped and Shades opened the door to allow Clarisse to get out 'The coast is clear ma'am' Shades said referring to the reporters

'Good, I don't want to cause unnecessary hassle for the hospital' she replied as she walked up the path in through the main doors. As she walked through the hospital, she felt all eyes where on her, it was times like this she hated being the Queen, there was no where she could go without being recognised. She could here staff whispering but she continued to walk the corridor to the large desk 'Your Majesty' the young lady bowed 'We were not expecting you'

'I thought it best to keep my visit low key' she smiled

'I understand, can I help you ma'am'

'I was wondering if it would be possible to visit my head of security, I understand it is late and you have strict visiting times'

'It wont be a problem ma'am, if you would like to follow me' the lady moved from behind the desk and lead the Queen up a long corridor where they found Charlotte sitting outside the room where Joe was, drinking coffee. 'You majesty' she said looking shocked as she rose immediately nearly tipping her coffee

'Charlotte'

'I thought you were going to visit….'

'I'm sorry' Clarisse interrupted 'I just felt it was more appropriate to visit tonight rather than tomorrow'

Charlotte nodded, she was secretly glad that she had sprung this surprise on her and although Clarisse would try and pretend that her visiting was to do with the press, she knew the real reason.

'He is just through these doors ma'am' the young lady smiled 'I will leave you in private but if there is anything you need please do let us know'

'Thank you' Clarisse replied before turning to face the door. She slowly opened it, the room was dark with just a small dim light shining on his face. As she got closer to his bed tears formed in her eyes, he was sleeping but he looked so pale. She couldn't help but touch his hand, she just wanted to feel close to him. Her touch caused him to stir and he opened his eyes 'Clarisse' he looked surprised to see her

'I'm sorry I had to come' she replied

He took hold of her hand 'I'm glad you did'

'You are?' she said sounding unsure

'Yes' he admitted

'But earlier when I wanted to come, you wouldn't let me' she looked confused

'I didn't want you to make that decision in front of all those people, the future of Genovia was more important. You had to make the decision yourself, not be forced into it'

'I don't understand Joseph'

'It doesn't matter now' he smiled 'Your here that's all that matters'

'How are you feeling?' she asked

'Sore'

'What happened?'

'I tried to stop the young man from approaching the Princess and I didn't realise he was armed'

'Oh Joseph' she cried 'You could have…'

'Well I haven't so lets not dwell on that' he interrupted her 'Tell me how the wedding went'

'I don't want to talk about that Joseph, I want to talk about what happened'

'There is nothing to tell'

'I couldn't have bared it if something had happened to you' she suddenly broke down

'Hey' he smothered her hair 'Come on'

'I was so scared watching you being taken away'

'I was scared too' he admitted

Clarisse leaned over and rested her head delicately on his chest and he kissed her hair 'I love you' she whispered lifting her head to face him. They stared into each other's eyes for what seemed like ages and then he slowly pulled her head towards his allowing their lips to meet. The kiss began softly but it wasn't long before all the emotions of the past 12 hours took over and the kiss deepened. Finally they pulled apart and she smiled 'I have missed that' she said as she lay her head back on his chest

'Me too'

'I wish we could stay like this forever'

If only it were that simple' he sighed

'I will have to go soon' she said

'Don't leave me Clarisse, stay' he replied

'I can't Joseph'

'Why?'

'You know why' she lifted her head to face him

'But I thought because you came that…'

Clarisse slowly stood up placing her hand on his cheek 'I came because I love you and wanted to see you'

'So will you be back in the morning?' he asked already knowing the answer. He had felt stupid, she had managed to suck him in again, he thought she had visited because she had made her decision to be with him but no, she had come while it was dark to avoid the press.

'I don't know Joseph'

'Nothing's changed has it' he said looking hurt

'Joseph I…'

'I would like you to leave now please'

'No Joseph please, don't do this not now' she almost begged

'I am still a sordid secret, not even a near death experience could break through that Queen mask'

'That's not fair, I wanted to come with you earlier but you wouldn't let me'

'How would you have explained that Clarisse, I did you a favour, now please leave'

'I cant leave you like this'

'Please just go' he shouted while pressing the button for assistance

'I love you' she cried

'Just not enough'

'How can you say that?'

'Because if you had been stabbed today, I would have been with you whether you wanted me there or not. I wouldn't have left your bedside until I could take you home to care for you. That's how much I love you Clarisse' he cried as a tear escaped his eye 'You wont even be seen visiting me in daylight, I don't think I need to say anymore'

Before she could respond, a blonde nurse entered the room 'Everything alright Joe?' she asked

'I am in a bit of pain, I wonder if you could get me some pain killers please'

'No problem, give me two minutes, I will be right back' she replied before heading through the doors

'Goodbye Your majesty, thank you for visiting' he said sharply, knowing it would hurt her

'I do love you Joseph'

'Goodbye' he repeated

She slowly moved to the door, wiping at her tears before taking one last look at him before exiting. They had argued over this on numerous times and she had seen the hurt in his eyes but this time it felt different, this time it felt final somehow like there was no way back. He was hurt and angry with her and why shouldn't he be she thought why shouldn't he be I would be if he did it too me, but she knew that would never happen, he would never let her down. He was everything she had always dreamed of and if she had meant him before Rupert she would have settled for a normal life and marriage but she didn't, she met Rupert, married into Royalty and now she was paying the price. A tear slipped down her cheek and she wiped at it quickly trying to hide her feelings from Charlotte, but Charlotte could tell that all was not good immediately 'Your majesty are you alright?' she asked

'Yes thank you' she lied 'You are right he is looking very weak'

'He lost a lot of blood, they say he was lucky'

'He is sleeping now' she lied again 'Maybe you should come back to the palace with us to get some rest before returning tomorrow'

'Will that be alright ma'am, to return tomorrow'

'Someone needs to be here and I think a friendly face is what he needs' he said, she wanted to be the one nursing him, sitting with him but she knew she couldn't so the next best thing was Josephs closest friend.

'Thank you ma'am I would like that'

'Good' she smiled before leading the way down the corridor, thanking the nursing staff as she left.

Meanwhile Joseph silently wept as the realisation hit him that Clarisse was never going to be what he dreamed, she was a Queen and her duty as a Queen would always come first, there wasn't room for both him and her country. He touched his lips with his finger tips remembering her touch and how perfect it was and then remembered the row they had had immediately after. He really thought she had visited because she had decided it didn't matter what anyone thought she loved him, needed him and wanted to be with him at this tough time. How wrong could he be, he thought, he had no doubt she loved him but visiting was more for peace of mind or guilt. She had no intention of being seen with him as that would raise questions, questions she didn't want to answer. He hit the bed with his fist in frustration and knocked the canula in his hand out. Before he could call for a nurse the doors opened, he looked up and smiled.


	6. Chapter 6

'You have another visitor' the nurse said with Victoria standing next to her 'this one has flown all the way from Spain, aren't you a lucky man'

'I am' he replied 'But I have knocked my hand' he lifted it gently allowing the nurse to see the blood 'Oh what are we going to do with you?' she smiled

'Sorry'

'No problem, we will sort that now'

'Thank you'

'If you'll excuse me I'll be right back' the nurse said before leaving Joseph and Victoria alone

'I have been so worried' she cried as she walked towards him 'No one would tell me anything'

'How did you find out?' he asked taking her hand

'It's the top news on most of the channels'

'Oh great'

'You're a hero, especially in Genovia and you are my hero' she leaned over and kissed him on the lips gently

'I'm no hero, I was just doing my job'

'Modest you are'

'You didn't have to come all this way'

'I wouldn't be anywhere else Joe, when I heard I booked myself on the first plane, I needed to see you were all right. I know we are not officially together yet but I love you Joe, I always have from the first day I meet you'

'I appreciate you coming' he replied

The beautiful woman standing before him had travelled miles to be with him and told him she loved him, why didn't he feel happy or something, he thought. Why couldn't Clarisse have done that, if she had he would have been the happiest man alive, yet everything he dreamed of was happening but it was just with the wrong woman. Before she could respond the nurse arrived back to sort out his hand. 'You must be tired why don't you try and find somewhere to stay' he said

'I would rather stay, if that's ok with you and the staff, I slept on the plane'

'Yes feel free to stay as long as you like' the nurse smiled 'You are having more attention from women than the rest of the hospital put together' she laughed 'All these lovely pretty women, aren't you the lucky one'

Joseph smiled 'I am lucky' but not as lucky as to have the woman he loved more than anything in the world he thought.

The following morning Joseph was woken by the sun shining through the hospital window, he looked to his side staring at the sleeping young lady; she had been there all night. He considered waking her but she looked so peaceful he thought and before he had chance to do anything there was a light knock on the door before Mia entered

'Joe' she smiled

'Princess' he returned a smile, he was so happy to see her

Mia moved quietly into the room trying not to wake the lady by his side 'Is that….' She pointed to Victoria

'Yes it is, Victoria flew in last night to see me, she seen it on the news'

'I see'

'Is Andrew not with you' he asked

'No he is helping Grandma this morning but he said he would visit soon' she replied 'Grandma sends her love'

'Does she?'

'Of course' she looked confused 'She came to see you last night didn't she'

'Yes Princess'

'Ah good, I'm sure she will pop in later this evening'

'I'm hoping I will not be here this evening' he said, he wanted to get out of hospital as soon as possible, it made him feel trapped. Before Mia could reply Victoria stirred and rubbed her eyes 'Morning' he smiled

'Oh morning darling' she yawned before noticing Mia 'Oh I am so sorry Princess' she stood quickly and bowed

'There's no need to be sorry, we were just talking about Joseph, and he seems to think he will be going home today'

'I don't think so darling'

That was the second time she referred to him as darling Mia thought what is going on here 'I can't stay in here, I hate hospitals'

'But you have had a big operation to stop the bleeding, you need time to recover'

'I would recover better at home'

'And where is that Joe?' Victoria asked 'As I was thinking, I know you are not due to move until after the coronation next week but under the circumstances I think when you discharged you should come home with me. That way you can recover in your new home and I could look after you, I am a nurse after all'

'Joe what does she mean move?' Mia said looking upset 'Since when are you moving?'

'Victoria could you give me a moment with the Princess please'

'Of course, I will go and sort myself out but please just think about it, it makes sense' she kissed his forehead before leaving the room.

As the door shut Joe pointed to the chair for Mia to sit 'Princess darling I was going to tell you, I just didn't know how'

'When Joe, once I had been crowned Queen, what were you going to do say Congratulations your majesty oh and by the way I am leaving for Spain now never to return'

'Please, it's not like that'

'Then what is it like Joe, why are you going? I thought you might want to retire but I never thought you would leave the palace, leave Grandma and me'

'It has been one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make, believe me'

'Then why?'

'I know it doesn't seem to make sense now but in years to come it will I promise. You have Shades now, he is younger than me and is able to guard you better than me'

'That's rubbish and you know it!' she shouted 'It's Victoria isn't it! She is making you do this, I didn't even know you were with her, you kept that secret too, how many more things are you keeping from me' she snapped

'We are not together' he replied 'and my move has nothing to do with Victoria. I am going to be living with her and maybe in years to come we will become a couple but right now we are friends'

'Friends and you expect me to believe that' she laughed 'She loves you Joe, its obvious!'

'That doesn't mean I love her though, I can not love her when I am already in love with someone else' he said soon regretting his words

'Who are you in love with Joe?' she asked looking shocked at his last reply

'I have said too much, it doesn't matter anyway as she doesn't return my love'

'That's sad'

'Very my dear but sometimes life doesn't work out the way you want it too as you already know yourself'

'I'm sorry I got angry' she placed her hand on his hand 'I just don't want you to leave'

I will always be at the end of a phone for you and I wouldn't be leaving if I didn't think you were in capable hands'

'Does grandma know?' she asked

Joe looked away as a tear slipped down his cheek 'Yes the Queen knows of my decision'

'No wonder she has been walking round with a sour face for days'

'Oh I'm sure that has nothing to do with me my dear'

'She will miss you, I know she will'

'As I will her, I have worked for her a long time, it is going to be strange'

'Is there anything that will change your mind' she asked

'There's nothing you can do my dear but never think I will forget you as I won't, you will always be on my mind. If I may say so my dear, I see you as the granddaughter I will never have'

Tears fell down her cheeks 'That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said, I wish you were my grandpa' she hugged him gently before the door opened and Victoria returned. She pulled away and wiped her eyes 'I had better get going, there are a lot of press conferences to attend'

'Thank you for visiting, I know how awkward it is for you'

'Not at all' she smiled

'Have you thought about my offer?' Victoria asked

'No not really' he admitted 'But I suppose it makes sense now, I am not going to be any use at the coronation now'

'You are always useful Joe' Mia butted in, for some reason she had taken an instant dislike to this young woman beside her, maybe it was because she was taking Joe away from her she thought. 'We could do with your brains'

'With respect your highness, Joe is injured and not well enough to return to work, it was protecting you that got him into this state'

'Victoria' Joe said sternly 'I was doing my job, it is not Princess Mia's fault that I am lying here'

'I'm sorry princess' she bowed 'It's just that I was so worried about him'

'As are we' Mia replied before heading to the door. She turned slowly to face Joe 'One last question' she said 'why didn't you just leave when you decided it was time, why did you decide to stay until I was Queen'

'Because I wanted too, and needed too protect you and the Queen. I had a feeling everything wouldn't run smoothly and I am glad I made the right decision, I would never have forgiven myself if I hadn't of been there yesterday'

'Thank you' she whispered as tears rolled down her face before leaving

Later that morning Mia arrived back at the palace and made her way immediately to the Queen's office to find her grandma, she was angry and upset that everybody else seemed to know about Joe except her. She opened the door and Clarisse looked up startled 'Mia!'

'Why didn't you tell me Grandma?' she asked

'Tell you what dear'

'Tell me that Joe is leaving'

Clarisse looked stunned and immediately felt her heart hurting at the thought 'He wanted to tell you himself' was all she could reply

'But he didn't though did he, I had to find out by the young tart who is clearly in love with him' she snapped

Clarisse suddenly felt like she had been kicked in the stomach 'Mia a princess never uses such language'

'I don't care grandma, he said she isn't the reason he is leaving but she is, she is taking him away from us' she cried 'I don't want him to go'

Clarisse got up from her seat and walked over to Mia taking her into her arms, with silent tears slipping down her cheeks

'He said he thinks of me as the granddaughter he never had' she sobbed 'And he is like my grandfather, I can always talk to him and he always gives me good advise. Its sad that he will never be a grandfather to anyone, he would be so good'

'Yes he would' she whispered

'Seeing him lying there helpless, I just want him home so we can look after him like he does us'

'I have already started getting things in order for his homecoming'

'I wouldn't bother, Victoria wants him to be discharged into her care, she is planning to take him straight back to Spain'

'What?' Clarisse said 'But she can't'

'She can if it's what he wants too'

'And is it?' she asked

'He said there didn't seem to be any reason why not too'

'I see' she replied sadly trying to hold back her tears

'I don't want him to go grandma, you're the Queen cant you do something to stop him'

Clarisse sighed, she knew all she had to do was go public with her love for him but she just couldn't not yet 'It doesn't work like that sweetheart, if Joseph wants to leave I can not stop him'

'But why with that woman, I'm sorry grandma I know I shouldn't judge people on first impressions but I really don't like her, why is he going to live with her when he has all this'

'Maybe there are deeper feelings there' Clarisse almost cried, he thought of another woman with him hurt so much

'No, he told me he doesn't love her, he loves someone else'

Clarisse's eyes opened wide 'oh'

'He wouldn't tell me who, only that it didn't matter as they didn't return his love'

'That's not true' Clarisse blurted out, regretting it immediately

'Why do you know who it is grandma?'

'No dear, no what I mean is I'm sure that's not true'

'I thought that too but he does, I could see it in his eyes, he was hurt' she replied 'How could anyone not love Joe, he's a good catch!' she laughed 'If only he was younger'

'Mia!'

'Only joking grandma, trying to lighten the conversation'

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you'

'And I'm sorry I burst in her shouting'

'You were just upset, I understand'

'I'm going to miss him' she said sadly

'Me too' she hugged her before Mia made her excuses and left the office. Clarisse closed the door and rested her head against it, thumping the door in frustration. She allowed the tears to flow freely; the thought of him being with another woman was killing her and why did he tell Mia that the woman he loved didn't love him, that wasn't true unless he wasn't talking about her. She did love him and he knew that, he had to know that she sobbed to herself.

A few days later, palace received word that Joseph was being discharged that afternoon into the care of Miss Victoria Sutton and they both would be having a helicopter from the hospital to fly them home to Spain. Clarisse was beside herself, deep down she had hoped Joe would change his mind and not go, at least not yet but now it all seemed to real. Within hours he was going to be gone and she probably wouldn't see him again. With this news and all the work for the coronation Clarisse was feeling the stress, she was snapping at everyone for no reason and she was finding it difficult to control her emotions. The day went on and Clarisse was finding it very difficult to concentrate. Mia had returned from the hospital and told her that he was looking a lot better and that she thought she should visit him before he left and that was what she wanted to do but something told her not too. Her hand fell over the phone numerous times during the day and dialled the hospital number but before anyone answered she hung up. She sat staring at the phone hoping it would ring and it be Joseph telling her he had changed his mind but it wasn't ringing. Suddenly, her thoughts were interrupted when Charlotte entered looking upset 'Charlotte are you alright?'

'Sorry your majesty, I have just arrived home from the hospital, I never realised saying goodbye could be so hard, I just don't seem to be able to stop the tears'

'I'm sorry'

'You have nothing to be sorry for, its just he was like my brother, and I'm going to miss him'

'We all will' Clarisse admitted

'He asked me to give you this' she handed her a handwritten envelope 'I'll leave you in peace to read it ma'am' she bowed and then exited the room.

Clarisse ran her finger over the handwriting and smelled the envelope, his scent was clear; oh she loved him so much. Her hands were shaking as she opened the envelope she was scared about what it would say.

_**Dear my darling Clarisse**_

_**I am sitting here on the sixth day of my hospital stay waiting and hoping that the next person who walks through that door will be you but you haven't come the past five days so why should today be any different. I suppose I am still clinging to a small thread of hope that maybe you will decide I am worth changing your life for. **_

_**I know the decision is harder for you than me my darling but I hoped your feelings were the same as mine however the past few days have slowly made me realise that maybe I am not enough for you; you deserve better than me, much better. I am sorry we have argued so much the past few weeks that is not how I wanted to end us and that's why I needed to write this. I need you to know that no matter what happens, where I am or whether you don't feel the same way, I love you more than life itself and I would die for you. **_

_**I have always seen the Princess more as the granddaughter I will never have and will always hold her close to my heart. If either of you need me then I will always be there for you both even if it is only via the telephone. I am so proud of you both and what you have achieved and I am just sorry I will not be around to watch your beautiful granddaughter grow into a wonderful Queen just like her beautiful grandmother. I often wonder what it would have been like if we had had a family together. That is a dream that will always be a dream but one that makes me smiles. **_

_**As you are probably aware by now I have decided that it will be best to depart to Spain immediately meaning I will not see your beautiful face again other than on television or in a newspaper. I have agonised over coming to see you one last time but it will be too painful for me, so I will hold onto all the wonderful moments we have shared together when no one else was around, the beautiful kisses and cuddles that made me love you even more. **_

_**I have left detailed instruction for Shades and the team to make sure they protect you both; I couldn't bare anything happening to either of you. **_

_**I hope you get everything you have ever dreamed off my darling, as I know no other person who deserves happiness than you, I am just regretful that I can not be part of that happiness.**_

_**Find someone who deserves such beauty and that will treat you right and be happy that's all I ask.**_

_**I will always love you with all my heart**_

_**Your Joseph x**_

As she finished reading the note the tears were streaming down her face, how could he think he was not good enough for her, of course he was. He is everything I have dreamed of and no one else would ever come close. What am I doing standing here, I need to stop him leaving she thought as she placed the letter in her pocket and picked up the telephone. There was only one way she could stop the man she loved from leaving now, she needed to show him that she was not ashamed of him and that she loved him openly. 'Hello Charlotte I would like you to call a press conference please, I have an important announcement to make……yes immediately please, this can't wait..'


	7. Chapter 7

Meanwhile at the hospital, Victoria was helping Joe get ready to leave, she gathered his clothes and placed them into the small case that Mia had kindly brought in for him. Joe thanked all the staff for their help and walked with Victoria out to the heli pad where the helicopter was waiting for them. The pilot helped him get into his seat as Victoria went back to get the last of his belongings, cards and gifts that he had kindly received during his stay. As she reached for the final bag she overheard the nurses talking about the Queen making an important announcement. 'What's that all about?' she asked

'We don't know it just flashed up that the Queen was going to make an important announcement' a nurse replied

'What could it be' another said

'Shush higher it up here she is'

The receptionist hired the sound to a reasonable level and they all fell silent watching in anticipation.

'Good Afternoon, I'm sorry I have called this sudden press conference however what I have to share with my country today is very important and unfortunately time is against me'

'Is she ill' a nurse gasped

'I dreamed of being a Queen and having a family for so long and then one day it finally came true. My rein as Queen has been a pleasurable one and I am sure Princess Mia will continue to rule as I have done for years with continued pleasure. With being Queen I have had to make many sacrifices in my life and today I am officially putting myself Claisse Renaldi first. I love Genovia and its people but there is also another special person who I have loved in secret for too long. He has been there for me through all the good and bad times and shown me nothing but love and respect. I loved King Rupert with all my heart however now it is time to share with you all, my love for another man, a man that until today I was prepared to give up for my country as I have always done. I am aware that my decision may anger many of you but next week I will no longer be your Queen and I would like to take this opportunity to ask for your blessing in my new relationship'

'Is she going to tell us who the secret lover is' a nurse said

Victoria felt her heart beating faster, she knew who she was talking about and she didn't want to hear it aloud, she too loved him and he was flying to Spain with her she thought. She knew if Joe heard about this sudden declaration of love he would almost certainly change his mind about living with her. She had to ensure this revelation didn't reach his eyes or ears, she had to preventing him knowing. 'We are going to get going' she said suddenly 'We don't want to be arriving back too late'

'Of course, take care of him' the nurse in charge shook her hand

'Thank you for looking after him' she replied before walking swiftly to the helicopter. The pilot was waiting to help her into her seat 'Where have you been?' Joe asked

'Just thanking the nurse's' she smiled

'Everything alright?'

'Everything is going to be fine, just fine' she placed her hand on his thigh squeezing it lightly as the helicopter took off.

At the palace Clarisse continued with her speech until a reporter interrupted 'Your majesty who is this lucky gentleman who has captured your heart?'

'Mr Joseph Bonnell' she replied, she could feel her colour rising up her face, she could hardly believe that she had just told the nation of her love for Joseph. They didn't need to know how long she had loved him but it was official now, she loved Joseph and the whole of Genovia knew it, they could finally be together.

'Your majesty do you think it is appropriate to carry feelings for the Royal Head of Security?'

'Did you have an affair?' another reporter shouted

'Did King Rupert know about your infidelity?'

'Ma'am does Mr Bonnell return your feelings?'

Clarisse stood slowly which made everyone fall silent 'I would like to make it clear that I have and would never have had an affair. I was always faithful to King Rupert. As for whether this relationship is appropriate, in the eyes of Parliament and Royalty it is not, however one must remember I am also a woman and I like any other human can not control who I fall in love with. Myself and Mr Bonnell have both fought our feelings for quite sometime however with my rein as Queen almost at an end I now feel it is time to be true to my country and myself. I hope the people of Genovia will understand and give me their blessing, thank you very much, no more questions' she finished before exiting the room full of flashes. As the door closed behind her she sighed leaning on the door. Did she really just do that she thought 'Ma'am' Charlotte bowed

'Oh Charlotte I'm sorry I should have….'

'I already knew' she smiled

'You did?'

'It didn't take me long to work it out ma'am and Joseph is a terrible liar'

'I see'

'I never told a sole'

'Thank you' she replied before seeing Mia rushing towards her 'Grandma why didn't you tell me' she smiled

'No one knew sweetheart, I wanted it that way'

'But why?'

'Because of the fallout for the crown'

'So what changed your mind?'

'I realised I loved him too much to let him leave me, he means more to me than this crown' she cried

Mia hugged her tightly 'Oh grandma this is the best news ever!'

'So you don't mind?' she asked

'Mind! Of course I don't mind but we had better get you down to the hospital to tell him before he sees it on the television' she beamed 'Come on I can't wait to see his face when he realises'

Clarisse smiled at the thought of his smiling face when he found out that she had done what he had wanted for so many years. Now they could officially be together just like they both wanted.

An hour later the Queen and Princess arrived at the hospital to a sea of cameras and reporters. This was the biggest news since the Royal wedding and they all wanted the first official pictures of the happy couple. Shade protected the royals as they made their way into the hospital to be greeted by the nurse in charge 'Your majesty, your highness' she bowed

'I don't think I need to explain my arrival I am sure you have seen the news' she smiled 'Is it alright if I go and see Mr Bonnell?'

'I'm sorry ma'am he is no long with us, he left over an hour ago with Miss Victoria just after your announcement ma'am'

'I see' she felt tears immediately prick her eyes 'um well thank you'

'Come on grandma lets get you back to the palace' Mia said sadly as she saw the hurt in her grandmother's eyes. Her first priority now was getting Clarisse out of the public eye so that she could deal with Joe's departure and work out what to do about it. They made their way out into the now very large crowds 'Your majesty where is Mr Bonnell?' a reporter shouted 'Was he not happy with you announcement'

Clarisse ignored all the questions and got into the car next to Mia as quickly as she could. As soon as the doors closed she allowed the tears to fall. Mia hugged her tightly 'Don't worry grandma, we will find him and bring him home'

'No didn't you hear the nurse, he left after seeing my news conference, I aloud my defences down and opened my heart up to the nation, putting my position in jeopardy and making me vulnerable all for him and he just left the country with that pretty young woman' she sobbed 'I really hurt him sweetheart and I left it too late, he has given up on me and allowing me to open up and then depart is his payback' tears streamed down her face 'Oh god I have lost him' she buried her head onto Mia's shoulder sobbing uncontrollably.


	8. Chapter 8

A few days later Clarisse remained in her suite where she had been since returning from the hospital. The staff had never seen her like this since the death of her son, however then she had Joseph by her side supporting her. This time she had no one, she was all alone. Mia had taken on Queen duties a lot earlier than she had anticipated; she faced the press trying to prevent the headlines that had appeared over the last few days. The press had been surprisingly supportive towards their Queen and Mia was extremely grateful, as it was one less thing for her to have to worry about and it showed how much the country adored her grandmother, probably more than what Clarisse herself realised. Mia was very worried about Clarisse as she wasn't eating or sleeping properly and she had hardly spoken since she left the hospital, all she had done was cry. Mia had decided that she needed to find Joseph to get him to help her grandmother but no matter how hard she tried there was no trace of him, it was like he had disappeared off the face of the earth. This bothered Mia as although she was deeply hurt and angry with him for what he had done, she cared for him deep down and knew that he cared for her too and that he wouldn't just leave without making some kind of contact at least with the security team to ensure they were safe. She felt she needed to find him if only to give herself peace of mind that he was alright. She slowly knocked on Clarisse's door before entering the dark lounge area 'Grandma' she said softly but she received no reply just the sound of sniffles. Clarisse sat curled up on the settee looking at a photo of herself with Joseph taking at a summer fate in the garden grounds. He had given her the photo as a present one night 'Happy memories' he had written on the back. The glass was broken from where she had thrown it to the floor a few days earlier. Tears were still clear on her face 'Grandma please, talk to me' she placed her hand on her shoulder 'You need to snap out of this, we have a big day on Friday and I need you….Genovia needs you!'

'I have given all I have to give' she sniffed 'There is nothing left, by giving to my country I have lost the only man I have ever truly loved'

'Stop this!' Mia became annoyed 'You are talking like Joe has died or something, he hasn't he has just moved to another country'

'With another woman' she added

'Well sitting here feeling sorry for yourself is not helping is it, you should be trying to find him'

'What would be the point in that, he choose to leave'

'Where has my grandma gone, the one who never gave up, the fighter, the one I love with all my heart, the one I need more than anything, where is she? Can you go and find her please because her granddaughter really needs her right now'

Clarisse was taken aback by Mia's stern voice, she had really grown up since she first met her, Joseph had been right again, she was going to make a very fine Queen she thought 'I'm sorry sweetheart' she cried

'Oh grandma' she hugged her 'I know you miss him, I do too but we can get through this, we are the Queen and Princess people depend on us'

'When did you grow up? She asked

'When my grandmother had her heart broken' she replied

'I feel humiliated Mia' she admitted

'You have nothing to worry about, I have dealt with all the press. The first couple of days there were reporters camping outside the palace waiting for their exclusive but it has died down now. They have actually been very supportive towards you grandma, it shows how much you mean to the people of Genovia. Joe however is the new hated figure of the country'

'What are they saying?' she asked

'That he has broken your heart and down a runner, trying to ruin your repetition. Its not pleasant but they are just trying to support you' she smiled

'I still love him' she admitted

'Of course you do' she hugged her 'I don't think he would have meant to have hurt you like this, honestly I don't'

'He didn't know I loved him, not really'

'Grandma can I be honest with you?'

'Of course sweetheart, what's on you mind?'

'I am worried about Joe'

'Why have you heard something?' Clarisse sat up looking concerned 'Is it the press, what they are saying, is that worrying you?'

'I don't think he will have an easy time if he does return to Genovia but no its not the press. I can't tell you what it is because I don't know myself, I just know something isn't right. When I saw you so upset the other day, you weren't eating, sleeping or even talking, I decided to try and find Joe and bring him home to you, to help you. I was desperate Grandma, I'm sorry'

'And? Did he not want to come is that it?' she cried

'No, the detectives I hired could find no trace of him at all, it's like he doesn't exist' she sighed 'How can someone just disappear like that?'

'Maybe he just doesn't want to be found, he was head of security remember, he would know how to hide'

'no, no its more than that I just know it. Before the wedding we chatted and he told me he saw me as the granddaughter he never had and that he would always be there for me no matter what and I believe him grandma. That is why I don't think he could just leave, disappear and not even contact Shades to ensure our safety especially with the coronation on Friday, you know how protective he was'

'Your right, he would never want to let you down, he loves you'

'And he loves you…..Charlotte told me'

'She did?' Clarisse looked shocked

'He told her grandma, he gave up everything to just stand by your side, it's a true love story' she smiled

'But not with a happy ending' she wiped at a loose tear

'Maybe he will come to the coronation'

'I wish he would, I need him' Clarisse admitted looking and feeling the most vulnerable she had ever been 'I didn't realise how much until now'

'How long have you loved Joe grandma?'

'22 years' she admitted, there was no point in denying it now especially not in front of Mia

'22 years? You mean you loved him when grandpa was alive?' she looked shocked

'I'm afraid so sweetheart. As you know my marriage was arranged and I truly thought I would fall in love with your grandfather and I did love him dearly but I was never in love with him. I didn't really know what love was until I meet Joseph. I was suddenly faced with this young handsome man who made my heart skip a beat when I saw him and as time went on I couldn't stop thinking about him. I know it was wrong to have thoughts of that nature of another man other than my husband but I couldn't help it and thoughts was all it was, it never went any further' she said 'I found myself wanting to spend more and more time with him, he made me feel normal, human and most of all safe. I could be normal with him, I didn't have to pretend, he was always there when Rupert wasn't. He practically brought up my two boys, Rupert never hand any interest and was never around so Joseph took it upon himself to provide a role model for them and they both loved him'

'It's hard not too' Mia smiled 'But how did you manage to stay faithful, I'm not sure I could'

'I was the Queen of Genovia, it was seen to be alright for the King to have affairs but for the Queen it was forbidden and I didn't want to bring shame to the crown. I'm not saying it wasn't hard because it was, sometimes I would cry myself to sleep wishing my life was different but then I would look at all the changes I was able to make to make peoples lives better and I just knew that no matter how much I loved him, I couldn't let my country and it's people down'

'It is you love for Joseph that made you question my marriage'

'That's right, I didn't want you to make the same mistakes that I did, I want you to be happy sweetheart'

'I am grandma' she smiled 'Nicholas is a nice bloke but I would never trust him, Andrew is kind, gentle and would do anything for me'

'But you don't love him do you?'

'This isn't about me, anyway we have more important things to discuss now that I have got my old grandma back…..the coronation!' she said changing the subject swiftly 'I have done my best to ensure everything is in order but something just doesn't feel right, something is missing and I just can't work out what it is'

'You already have sweetheart, it's Joseph' she said sadly 'I feel it too, it's like he has left a big gap and I cant fill it or don't want too. That is why I have stayed in here where I feel close to him, where I can still smell him. I don't want to go out there because then I have to face life without him and I don't want to do that' she sobbed 'The last time I saw him we argued you know, we argued because I was being selfish, he said that I couldn't have loved him and that I was ashamed of him'

'Well for fool him' she snapped

'No sweetheart, I am the fool, it's just painful to admit it'

'Well I could do with a hand from the Queen today, if you feel up to it? It might help you forget for a few hours at least'

'I will see what I can do' she smiled before heading to the bathroom to begin the almighty task of transforming her from a sobbing mess into the elegant Queen that everyone was waiting and hoping to see. Mia was what she needed right now, she needed someone to shake her and get her to sort things, without her she didn't know where she would be.

Meanwhile in Spain Victoria had taken Joe to a small deserted cottage that belonged to her late father. It was in the middle of nowhere, with no neighbours and miles away to the nearest village or shops. Her original plan of taking Joe home to his new home was scrapped the moment she heard the Queen at the press conference. She knew that if she had taken him home, it would only be a matter of hours before word of such a confession reached him and then everything would change forever. She decided to take the trip to the deserted cottage for a while until the news died down; telling Joe that she had decided a holiday at this cottage was just what he needed. It would allow him time to recover properly before heading back to the busy city life she told him. Victoria was becoming slightly obsessed, especially since she found out who her competition was for Joe's heart. Deep down she knew that his heart lay with the Queen and that is why she had practically kidnapped him and taken him away from civilization. 'Victoria, do you think we could take a trip into the nearest village today? I would like to get something to read'

'I don't think you up to that journey yet darling' she replied 'It is quite a distance'

'To be honest fresh air may do me some good and although this place is beautiful there is not much to do here, I am slightly bored' he sighed

'Well we cant have that now can we' she smiled seductively, making her way over to Joe and sitting down on his knee 'Let's see what can we do that would entertain you' she played with his buttons on his shirt before pressing her lips against his

'No' Joe said suddenly 'What are you doing?'

'I think that's obvious Joseph' she smiled claiming his lips again but this time harder. He pushed her gently away from him 'I can't do this Victoria I'm sorry'

'What's stopping us Joe? We are all alone, no one will disturb us and it's not as if we haven't be here before is it?' she stood up in front of him and slipped her straps off her shoulders allowing her dress to fall to the floor 'I seem to remember you enjoyed it last time' she said as she unclipped her bra and allowed her breasts to be free. She leaned over towards her kissing him softly 'Come on Joe, what's stopping you'

Joe sudden pushed her away and made his way over to the table where he picked up a towel and threw it at her 'Please get dressed' he ordered

'What's wrong?' she asked moving towards him 'Don't you find me attractive anymore?'

'I can't talk to you when you have nothing on, please get dressed, your embarrassing yourself'

'What has she got that I haven't Joe?' she asked sharply as she began to get dressed

'Pardon?' he said

'The woman who has your heart, what does she have that I haven't?'

'My love' he replied simply 'it's not about you Victoria, you're a beautiful young woman who could have any man you wanted, it's just that I have fallen in love with another woman and nothing I do can change it, it's hard to explain. One day you will experience love like I have and then you will understand'

'But she doesn't love you does she?'

'She does' he replied

'I think you need to stopping kidding yourself Joe, whoever she is doesn't love you, if she did she would be with you wouldn't she just like I am. I love you Joe'

'Oh Victoria I wish I really wish things could be different but their not, I'm sorry'

'Maybe it's time you moved on Joe, let yourself be loved like you deserve, I can give you that love……please think about it' she said 'I will go into the village and get you a paper, think about what I said' she continued before leaving Joe to ponder over her words. How had it all come to this he thought. A few weeks ago he was so happy, protecting the Queen, sneaking the odd hour or two with Clarisse were they could be themselves but now he was miles away from her, miserable and feeling trapped by a woman he had no feelings for. This had been the longest time he had been away from the palace and Queen in 25 years and he was beginning to feel uneasy about it. He hadn't even been able to get in contact with the palace or anything. He knew the coronation was to take place on Friday and he had a sudden urge to ensure the safety of the two most important people in his life. He searched the cottage for a phone and came across his mobile which Victoria and tucked conveniently under the settee. He switched it on but had no signal, so he decided to take a walk and see if he could find an area where he could at least make a quick phone call to Shades. After what seemed like hours but in fact was only minutes he found a signal and called the palace. Unfortunately he was unable to get hold of anyone at the palace, they must have all been busy getting ready for the big event he thought. He had to let them know he was thinking of them so he made a few more phone calls ensuring they would be aware he still loved them both. Later that day Victoria arrived back from the long journey to the village 'They ran out of papers' she lied, she wasn't going to buy him a paper with the headline 'Will the Queen attend the coronation after her heart was broken by her head of security' 'I got you this instead' she passed him a thick novel 'I hope you haven't already ready it'

'No thank you'

'I bought scrabble too, I thought we could have a game with a glass of wine, what do you think?' she asked

'Sounds lovely thank you' he smiled

Victoria handed him the scrabble 'Set it up while I get the glasses' she said as she walked into the kitchen area. She poured to large glasses of wine and then slipped a powder from a small bag she had taken out of her pocket. She poured it into Joe's glass and stirred it quietly before handing him the glass 'Cheer's' she smiled


	9. Chapter 9

A few days later, Coronation day had finally arrived and there still had been no word from Joseph. Mia had joined Clarisse in her suite 'I'm not sure I can do this grandma' she admitted

'Of course you can sweetheart, you have proved this last week that you are going to be a natural Queen' she reassured her 'I'm very proud of you and you will have Andrew with you all the way'

'I thought he would have come grandma, I really did' she cried

'I know sweetheart, me too but I'm sure he is thinking of you, he love's you Mia'

'Then why do this to us both?'

'It's me he is angry with darling, not you. He left me a note before he left and he said in that, that he was proud of you' a tear escaped her eyes 'and that was from his heart'

'Will you be alright today grandma?' she asked

'Of course' she smiled through her tears before being disturbed by a knock on the door 'Come in' she called wiping her tears

Charlotte entered the suite carrying two bunches of flowers 'You majesty, your highness' she bowed 'These arrived for you by special delivery'

'Oh they are beautiful' Mia smiled as she took the smaller of the two bunches from Charlotte 'Who are they off?' she asked excitedly

'Joseph' Clarisse said softly as she took her large bunch of white and red roses, her favourites

'What? How do you know?'

Clarisse smiled as she smelled the beautiful roses allowing her tears to flow once again 'I just know' she managed to reply

Mia placed her flowers on the table before opening the attached card and reading his message allowed

_**To My dear Princess**_

_**You made it; today is your special day, and the day you have worked so hard for. Who would have thought that shy 16 year old would have turned into a beautiful princess and soon to be Queen. I am very proud of how you have grown and I know that you will be a wonderful Queen following your Grandmother. I am deeply sorry I have let you down on the most important day of your life but one day you may understand why. However my absence doesn't mean that I am not thinking of you today and always. You are like the granddaughter I will never have and I will always love you and be proud of what you achieve. Please, look after your grandmother she is a special lady.**_

_**Follow in your Grandmother's footsteps and you wont go far wrong!**_

_**I'm sorry**_

_**Love as always**_

_**Joe x**_

Clarisse placed her flowers next to Mia's and hugged her tightly as she cried 'Why couldn't he just come home grandma'

'Because he is hurt' she replied quietly

'I miss him'

'Me too, me too'

'Sorry your majesty' Charlotte interrupted 'But there is another package for you' she smiled as she held out a small gift bag

'For me?' she asked as she moved away from Mia and took the bag from Charlotte.

'What is it grandma?' Mia asked as she wiped her tears

Clarisse pulled out a small red box, her hands shook as she opened it revealing a beautiful engraved locket 'Oh my' she gasped

'What is it?' Mia leaned over 'Oh grandma, it's beautiful'

Clarisse gently removed the necklace from its box and opened the locket to find a photo of herself with Joseph and one of Mia. The inscription on the front read 'With all my heart forever'

'Would you help me' Clarisse asked as she undid the clasp, allowing Mia to help her put it on 'It's gorgeous' Mia smiled 'you should read you're card'

Clarisse reached over to the card and opened it 'Would you read it?' she asked

'Are you sure?'

Clarisse nodded giving her permission to read the card aloud

_**To My Darling Clarisse**_

_**So this is it, you rein as Queen has finally come to an end and what a beautiful lady you are handing you crown too. You have been the most loved and perfect Queen Genovia and any other country has ever seen and you should be proud of what you have achieved. After today you may now be Queen but you will always be my Queen and I am very sorry that I won't be there today to share this emotional day with you. I so wish I could be with you to support you through this but we both know that is not possible anymore, but that doesn't mean that you are not constantly on my mind. I am so proud of you and I know circumstances have kept us apart but I will always love you. Please wear the locket today and allow it to give you comfort today when you are feeling low.**_

_**I am always with you in my mind**_

_**Love you forever**_

_**Your **_

_**Joseph xxx**_

Mia wiped her eyes as she finished reading the card 'Grandma, are you alright?'

'He always knows how to cheer me up, even when he's not here'

'Once today is over, we are going to find him and bring him home to where he belongs' she smiled

'One step at a time sweetheart' she held the locket in one hand, somehow it was giving her the strength and courage to get on with what was ahead of her today. 'We had both better go and get ready'

'Yes of course' Mia replied before following Charlotte out of Clarisse's suite leaving Clarisse smiling, he still loved her she thought and as Mia had said they would find him after the coronation and bring him back. She didn't want to live life without him, he was the missing piece of the jigsaw and she wanted her puzzle to be completed.

The day went as smoothly as anyone could have hoped; both Clarisse and Mia looked stunning in their gowns and Mia had managed to stay upright on two feet for the whole ceremony, which was a bonus. She was very clumsy and often fell when she got nervous but today she held her nerves perfectly. Clarisse had been rather emotion as it was the end of her rein and she feared for what her future held. A few weeks earlier she had no worries about handing over the crown as she had planned to spend more time with Joseph but now he was gone she was worried about how she would fill her time. However the day was also a joyous one as she watched Mia finally be crowned the Queen of Genovia. She remembered back to their first meeting and all the hiccups there had been to get her to this day and smiled, she was so proud of her. Although the day was beautiful they both felt the obvious gap left by Joseph. The security team had done a marvellous job today and Joseph would have been proud of them all but she didn't feel as safe as she did when Joseph was around as she knew when he was there no one else in the room mattered other than her.

Mia and Clarisse both thanked everyone from coming and watched as the last of the guests left the palace. 'Well done sweetheart' Clarisse hugged her 'I know it was hard'

'It was harder for you, are you all right? Don't think I haven't noticed how quiet you have been'

'I'm fine sweetheart just emotional, it's been a long day but I am very proud of you' she smiled 'And I know your father would have been too'

'Thanks grandma' she replied before being interrupted by Lionel 'I'm sorry your majesty, your highness but I think you should come to the security office at once'

'Is there a problem?' Clarisse asked

'Maybe' he replied before leading the two royals down the corridor. A few minutes later they arrived at the security room and Lionel lead them in closing the door behind them 'Ma'am take a look at this' he pointed to the cctv of the palace gates

'What is it?' Mia asked looking confused

'It looks like Shades wrestling with someone who looks rather unsteady on their feet' Clarisse said

'Look closer' Lionel added

Clarisse took a closer look and suddenly her facial expression changed 'Joseph?'

'What is that Joe?' Mia said looking shocked 'It can't be look at the state of him'

'Ma'am it is Joe, he has been trying to get into the palace for the last few hours but Shades has prevented him doing so as he seems rather drunk'

'Drunk?' Mia exclaimed 'What is he…'

'Tell Shades to bring him in at once' Clarisse ordered 'We don't want the papers getting hold of this'

'Yes ma'am' Lionel agreed before using his headset to speak to Shades

'If he has been at the gates for hours, that means he come home for the coronation grandma'

'Drunk' she added bitterly 'As if he hasn't humiliated me enough'

'Then why ask him to be brought in'

'I want some answers and as I said to Lionel I don't want the press getting hold of this'

'Ok' she sighed as she turned her attention back to the CCTV, watching Shades struggle to get Joe up the steps of the palace.

Clarisse and Mia went to greet them in the hall 'Ma'am, I'm sorry I did try to get him to go away' Shades said

'Clarrise' Joseph slurred 'I have been trying to see you'

'How much have you had to drink?' she asked

'Drink, I haven't had a drop'

'Oh come on Joseph you can't expect me to believe that, look at you, you can't even stand up on your own'

'I haven't' he slurred

'Ma'am if I could have a moment in private' Shades interrupted before handing Joe to Lionel and moving to the side with Clarisse 'Ma'am in my opinion I think he is telling the truth, he doesn't smell of alcohol'

'Then why is he like this?' she asked looking puzzled

'I don't know ma'am, he arrived in a taxi, he wasn't this bad at first, he seems to be getting worse, maybe he is ill'

'Ill' she laughed 'he's drunk Shades, please can you take him to his old suite, let him sleep it off and I will speak with him in the morning'

'Yes ma'am as you wish' he bowed before going to help Lionel with Joe. Mia and Clarisse watched as the two security men struggled to get Joe up the stairs 'What did Shades want?' Mia asked

'He doesn't think Joseph has consumed any alcohol'

'So how does he explain his strange behaviour?'

'He thinks he maybe ill'

'But you don't?'

'No, he has been drinking, he will be fine once he has sobered up, I will speak with him tomorrow and ask for an explanation'

'Why do you think he came back?' Mia asked

'He wanted to see you become Queen, he loves you' she smiled

'Or he wanted to see you, he loves you grandma, don't push him away, not now' she said softly 'He has been stupid but you are miserable without him, make up with him please'

'I will speak with him tomorrow'

'Don't be too hard on him, you don't know why he got drunk, I mean where is Victoria?'

'I don't know and right now she is not my concern. I think we should both retire now sweetheart, I'm sure Andrew would like to spend some time with you, he has been wonderful today'

'Yes he has, I'm very lucky'

'Yes you are' she smiled as they both headed to their suites.

Joe woke up in the middle of the night fully clothed and looked around the large room, where was he? He thought. He couldn't remember coming to the palace, how did he get there. He got up from the bed and felt dizzy, he steadied himself and looked at his watch, it had just gone 2am. He made his way slowly to the secret passage that only he knew about, if he was in the palace then Clarisse couldn't be far away he thought, he had to see her. He didn't feel too well and just needed to see her face again. He managed to open the passage door into Clarisse's suite and stumbled over to the sofa where he found Clarisse curled up. His eyes were suddenly met with hers when she opened them unexpectedly, she hadn't been sleeping just resting her eyes and she heard movements in the passage so she knew he was in her room. 'Clarisse' he whispered

'Slept it off?' she asked

'Pardon' he was completely confused he couldn't remember anything

'Joseph you arrived here drunk several hours ago, what did you think you were doing?'

'I had a drink?' he asked

'Too much to remember obviously' she snapped

'You know I don't like drinking'

'Well you did yesterday clearly' she commented

'I don't remember, I'm sorry' he reached for the sofa, as he felt dizzy again

'I think you need to go back to bed, you still look shaky'

'Clarisse I don't know what happened but I wouldn't have drunk that much, you know me'

'Do I? I thought I did but once you left me like that, humiliating me in front of my country I'm not so sure anymore. I never thought you would hurt me like that, I know I have hurt you and I deeply regret it but to do that to me was unforgivable'

'I don't know what your talking about' he looked confused 'humiliated you? Why what did I do? I have always done what you wanted Clarisse, I love you and I would never intentionally hurt you'

'Then why did you leave?' she cried

'You know why, you weren't willing for our friendship to be made public'

'What more did you want Joseph, I told the hole world that I loved you, wasn't that enough or did Victoria make you a better offer than this old retired Queen' she snapped angrily

'Clarisse slow down I don't know what you're talking about' he held his head 'Clarisse I really don't feel to good'

'Your not avoiding this now Joseph, you wanted to know and now I have told you. Your just experiencing a bad hangover, it will pass'

'Clarisse please help me'

'Why should I? You leave with your new young lady and we hear nothing for days and then you turn up here drunk on the biggest day of Mia's life. What did you want to do Joseph, ruin her day or was it me you wanted to upset' she cried 'Well down you have achieved it again, I think you should leave'

'Please I really don't know what is happening, your saying things and I don't understand, please Clarisse I love you'

'Just leave please'

He turned around slowly and began making his way to the door but before he reached it he collapsed onto his knees before hitting his head on the on the floor


	10. Chapter 10

'Joseph' Clarisse gasped a she rushed to his side 'Joseph' she repeated as she turned him over but his body was motionless 'Oh no' she cried as she felt for his pulse but she couldn't find one. She opened the door and alerted Shades and Lionel who were guarding her door. Shades rushed to his side as Lionel called for the emergency services. Clarisse stood back sobbing as she watched Shades trying to find a pulse and then beginning CPR 'I thought he was just hung over' she sobbed 'He said he wasn't feeling well but I didn't believe him'

'Ma'am I know this may not be protocol to even suggest this but I need you to help me here'

'I don't know what to do' she admitted tearfully

'Just copy me' Shade replied as he continued CPR

Clarisse kneeled beside his body shaking; she did everything Shades told her. As she began CPR her who body ached as their skin touched, she hadn't touched in so long, she missed him and now she may never get the chance again.

It wasn't long before Andrew and Mia both arrived after being alerted of the situation by Lionel 'He's not breathing' Mia gasped 'What happened?'

'Here let me take over' Andrew offered to relieve Clarisse as it was clearly obvious how distraught she was. Mia took her into her arms as soon as she got up 'He's dead' she sobbed

'No don't say that grandma'

'He told me he wasn't well and I ignored him, I shouted at him'

'You were angry'

'What if he was telling the truth'?

'We don't know do we, lets wait until the medics arrive'

'I got a pulse' Andrew shouted suddenly 'It's faint but it's there he smiled

'Oh thank god' Mia replied 'Here that grandma'

Before Clarisse could reply the medics arrived and swiftly took over 'Has he taken anything?' a medic asked

'How do you mean?' Mia asked

'Drugs? Has he taken any drugs?'

'Of course not' she exclaimed 'Joe wouldn't take drugs, tell them grandma'

'She's right, Joseph hates drugs and drink'

'Ok ma'am this looks like an over dose'

'An over dose are you crazy!' Mia shouted

'Are you saying Joseph tried to kill himself' Clarisse cried

'It looks that way ma'am, we will know more once the blood tests are back'

'I don't understand, why would he want to do that' Mia asked looking shocked as Andrew comforted her

'Maybe he was desperate' Andrew commented

'Desperate? none of this makes sense'

'Maybe he will be able to tell us when he comes around' Shades added 'the boss wouldn't do anything stupid. He phoned a few days ago and sounded fine, he left a message for me, he gave me a full list of instructions of what was to happen today, that's why everything went so perfectly ma'am' Shades continued 'He said if anything happened to either of you he would hold me personally responsible because you were both the most important people in his life'

'Why haven't you told us this earlier' Clarisse asked as her eyes were still watching the medics working on Joseph

'He told me not to ma'am'

'He wouldn't do anything stupid, I know he wouldn't. He's ill either that or he has been drugged, he wouldn't have taken drugs willingly'

'Drugged' Mia laughed this is getting more ridiculous as it goes on, who on earth would want to drug him'

'I don't know ma'am but if the reports come back as an overdose or drug related I will make sure I find out. I refuse to believe the boss would take drugs willingly'

'I think you been watching too many movies' Mia commented

Clarisse didn't comment, she found all these possible suggestions for his condition hard to believe but something had put him here in this unresponsive state but what was it. The medics picked him up on a stretcher and began to make a move 'May I travel with you' Clarisse asked

'Of course' a medic replied

'I will accompany you' Shades said

'I'm sorry only room for one passenger, you will have to follow behind' the medic interrupted

'Ma'am I must discourage you from travelling in the ambulance without security' Shade said

'I didn't go with him last time and I am not letting him down again. I'm going with him'

'Please ma'am, Joseph will have my head on a block'

'I am not prepared to discuss this further, I am travelling with Joseph and I will hear no more about it. You may follow in a car behind, nothing will happen in an ambulance'

Shade gave up arguing he knew he was fighting a losing battle and Mia placed a hand on his shoulder 'Just leave her' she whispered 'She needs to do this'

'As you wish your majesty' he relented

Mia and Andrew watched as Clarisse got into the back of the ambulance with Joseph. The doors closed and the ambulance made its way down the palace roads 'He will be alright won't he' Mia cried

Andrew held her tight, comforting her 'we have to hope so darling'

'Grandma couldn't take another death'

'We all love him' he said kissing her head 'We will just have to support them the best we can what ever happens'

'Thank you' she cried before kissing him softly. She may not have initially want to marry Andrew as she didn't love him, however over the past few days he had been her strength and slowly she was beginning to feel something for him. To say she was falling in love with him was not true but there was something developing between them.

In the ambulance Clarisse sat opposite Joseph with tears streaming down her face, she didn't care who seen her anymore. The man she loved more than anything had come back to see her and she rejected him again, why did she keep doing it and now he was dying before her own eyes just like Rupert had done several years earlier. 'May I…' she signalled to touch Joseph

'Of course ma'am' the medic replied

Clarisse leaned forward and placed her hand over his, he was cold, really cold. 'Why Joseph?' she whispered 'Why do this to yourself?'

Although Shades was adamant that Joseph wouldn't do anything so stupid, she was finding it hard to not believe the medics after looking at the state of him before her own eyes. She knew she had hurt him and that he loved her so maybe her rejection was too much and he began to spiral into self destruction long before her announcement to the country, maybe she was a little to late to prove to him she loved him jus as much as he did her she thought. She herself had thought about ending it all if she was truthful with herself, she couldn't see how she could go on without him, if it wasn't for her granddaughter it could have been her in Josephs position fighting for her life, so she could see why Joseph may have felt there was no other way, she had just hoped her declaration of love would have been enough to save them.

After a short journey the vehicle came to a stop and within seconds the doors flew open and there were medical staff surrounding them. Clarisse was a little taken back by the number of people but stood aside allowing them to work on the man she still loved. She stepped out of the ambulance to a sea of cameras, somehow the incident had gone unnoticed by the press and now they all wanted the exclusive. For the first time ever since becoming a Royal she found herself alone without any guards protecting her but with her emotion state she could hardly see anyone in front of her, all she could think of at the moment was Joseph. 'Ma'am what is the condition of Mr Bonnell' a reporter asked

'We heard he has drunk him self into his condition, can you confirm this'

'Ma'am will you be sticking by your original announcement after this incident' another shouted

Before Clarisse could find her voice to say no comment she felt a hand on her back, for a second she thought it was Joseph, he was the only person to ever actually touch her but then she suddenly remembered that wasn't possible 'Your highness has no comment at this stage' Shades began 'Once the palace has news of Mr Bonnell's condition the Queen will release a statement' he ushered Clarisse protectively into the hospital doors 'Thank you' she cried

'All in a day's job' he replied 'Now lets find out where we need to go'

They made their way over to the young receptionist who directed them to the family suite a few metres down the corridor. She explained that a doctor would soon be with them to discuss Joseph's condition. They both made their way up the familiar corridor and entered the small but clean suite. 'Can I get you a drink ma'am' Shades asked

'No thank you, I couldn't not now'

'He will be alright' he offered

Clarisse couldn't reply she just allowed her tears to continue, she had never felt so lonely and if Joseph did die she would never forgive herself for not telling him sooner that she loved him.

A few hours later a doctor entered the room 'Your Highness' he bowed

Clarisse stood wiping her tear stained face 'How is he?' she asked eagerly

'We have conducted a few tests and it looks like Mr Bonnell has taken a large quantity of antidepressants and alcohol.'

'No' she gasped

'We have bumped his stomach and made him comfortable but I am afraid he is in a coma'

'Can we see him?' Shades asked

'Yes but he is in intensive care and therefore only one to a bed at any one time'

'We understand, thank you' Clarisse said tearfully

'Will he come out of the coma?' Shades asked

'I'm afraid I can't answer that, in some cases such as these they do and they make a full recovery however there are some who don't'

'Will he be able to hear us?'

'Research says that when in a coma the ability to hear is a high possibility so I would talk to him, the more familiar voices he hears the better' he replied 'But there are no guarantees, he is a very sick man'

'Thank you' Shades said before following the doctor out of the room and leading Clarisse up to the intensive care unit 'I will wait outside ma'am' she said

Clarisse nodded before pushing the door open to see his motionless body. She moved closer to the bed and watched his bare chest rising showing he was still with her 'You can touch him' a nurse smiled

Clarisse smiled slightly before reaching over and touching his hand softly. He was warmer this time but still lifeless apart from his moving chest. The nurse left the room and Clarisse moved closer 'Joseph' she began 'Joseph it's me Clarisse, can you hear me darling' there was no reply as she had expected 'I'm so sorry I hurt you this much that you would do this to yourself, if I had known this would happen I would have given up everything years ago and told you I loved you because I do love you Joseph more than anything. When you left with Victoria I thought I had lost you to a younger woman and it hurt, it hurt really bad but then you came back, why did you do that hey? Did you want to see me or did you want to show me what I had done to you? You can't leave me Joseph, I am nothing without you, and I don't want to live with out you. If you just pull through this I will help you get out of this dark area you have fallen into, we will get you the best help in the world and I will stand by you, just stay with me' she sighed as tears feel onto his bare arms 'I have missed you' she sobbed 'All my memories have been clouded by the arguments I caused on our last few meetings, I need you feel your arms around me again, protecting me' she leaned over and placed her lips on his kissing him softly 'I need to feel your love again Joseph, your sweet kisses, your gentleness, I need you, please' she begged before taking a seat next to the bed but never letting go of his hand. She had made a conscious decision that this time she wasn't going anywhere until he woke up, she didn't care what the reporters would write, she had left him last time when he needed her but this time she wasn't going to let him down.

A few hours past and Clarisse still sat holding his hand, there had been no movement or change in his condition, she just sat staring at him praying he would open his eyes, look into hers and give her his trademark smile that made her light up inside. The door of his room opened and Shades entered 'Ma'am, Miss Victoria is outside, she would like a word'

Clarisse could feel the blood rise within her immediately on hearing her name, why was she here, had she come to claim Joseph once again and take him away from her. No she wouldn't let her not this time she thought, if she wanted a fight then she would get one, she loved Joseph and no one was going to ruin that not now she thought as she stood and headed to the door 'Your highness' she bowed

'What brings you here?' Clarisse asked

'I heard about Joe ma'am, I had to come. How is he?'

'In a coma'

'Oh no' she gasped 'I should have made him get help, this is my fault'

'What do you mean?' Clarsse asked

'I knew he had a problem ma'am, it became obvious to me when I took him home to Spain, we went on holiday together and he suddenly became weird and when I challenged him about it he became violent. Then one day when he was out I found a stash of pills and I knew then he had a problem, he told me they were to help him forget you ma'am, he was so down but I never thought he would do this'

'When you say he became violent, how do you mean?'

'Well as you can probably guess ma'am myself and Joseph have always been more than friends' she smiled 'I love him as I know you do, but our relationship blossomed when we first arrived in Spain and was quite physical' she lied 'But that one day he was extremely rough and threw me against the wall hurting me'

Clarisse felt sick, the thought of Joseph being physical with this woman disgusted her. She didn't want to believe Joseph would do that to her but then again he was technically a free man to be with whom he wanted, and that had been her fault. 'I'm sorry ma'am I am aware of your own feelings for Joe but you are too late, he no longer loves you, he got fed up of waiting for you'

'Then why did he return to Genovia?' Shades interrupted he wasn't buying into any of this Victoria was coming out with, he knew his boss and he knew he would never do the things she was claiming he had done

'To see Queen Mia and explain to Clarisse that he was now starting a new life with me'

'That's rubbish' he snapped

Clarisse felting increasingly dizzy and held out to Shades to steady her 'Ma'am please sit down' he helped her to sit in the chair

'You may think what you want but I have no reason to lie and I have this to prove it' she rubbed her stomach

This latest information was all too much for Clarisse and she vomited 'Ma'am are you alright'

'I just need some fresh air' she replied

'Of course' he helped her to stand and supported her to the window where she leaned to get some air

'I'm sorry you had to find out like this, Joe doesn't even know yet'

'How do we know your not lying?' Shades asked

'Babies don't lie' she smiled 'It's a wonderful gift and just what Joe has always wanted'

Clarisse knew that was true, he had always wanted children and they had both discussed what it would have been like having children of their own, he had told her he would have be really proud to have had children with her. She could hardly take all this in, she felt she had had her heart ripped out, battered and replaced all bruised. She felt angry, hurt and betrayed but yet he love for him still over rode all her other emotions. He may have slept with another woman and she may be carrying his child but she still needed and wanted him, she knew the right thing to do would stand aside and allow them to be a happy family but after everything that had happened she couldn't do that anymore. She had lived her life doing the right thing and putting her feelings aside to please everyone else this time she was going to out herself first no matter how hard it was going to be. She stood up right and walked towards Victoria 'I'm not giving him up without a fight' she said suddenly surprising herself as much as the rest of those in attendance 'I love him, I always have and I have let him go once but not again. If you want him you will have to fight me for him'

'No contest ma'am' she smiled 'I have something you can never give him…his child'

That stabbed her heart and made her weep inside as she knew Victoria was right but that was something she would just have to deal with. If Joseph decided he needed to do the right thing then she would respect his wishes but it had to be his decision and until he told her that he no longer loved her she was going to carry on. 'If you'll excuse me, I want to get back to Joseph' Clarisse said before entering the small room where Joseph lay leaving Victoria fuming. She had thought telling her that he had slept with her and she was now pregnant would have finished the two of them forever and that Joe would only then have eyes for her but she couldn't have got it more wrong even if she had tried Plan A had gone wrong so now it had to be time for Plan B she thought.


	11. Chapter 11

Two weeks past and there had been no change in Joseph's condition. Clarisse had stayed with him the whole time, only leaving to freshen up and change her clothes, even though Mia had begged her to return to the palace to rest. Mia entered Joseph's room quietly, her eyes filling with tears as she watched her grandmother sleeping with her head rested by Joes body and her hand in his, they both looked so peaceful. 'Grandma' she whispered placing her hand on her shoulder. Clarisse instantly opened her eyes on her touch and lifted her head 'Wa…Mia' she said looking startled

'Sorry I woke you' she smiled

'Has something happened?'

'No, no nothing, oh grandma you look exhausted' Mia commented

'I'm fine sweetheart'

'No your not and I'm here to help you, you need a break from here' Mia began 'I have had Lily to clear my schedule today so that I can stay here with Joe while you go home, take a bath and get some rest'

'That's very kind of you darling but I'm fine here' she turned to face Joseph and rubbed her fingers over his hand

'Grandma it's not an offer, it's an order, there is a car waiting for you outside, Shades will take you home and bring you back once you have rested. A few hours is not going to make a difference, Joe is not going anywhere'

'I can't leave him' she said suddenly

'Why not?'

'Mia…I'm….scared' she broke down 'I'm scared if I leave him now, I will lose him forever and I couldn't bare that'

'Now you're being silly, Joe is not going anywhere and you will only be away a few hours' she smiled taking her hand in hers

'That will be long enough for her to get her claws into him again'

'Victoria?'

Clarisse nodded 'She holds all the cards darling, my time with him now is precious as I know that once he is awake and aware of his unborn child there will never be a chance for us. He is a good man, he will stand by her and be the best father any child could ask for, it's what he has always wanted, its what we both wanted' she cried 'I suppose I just feel if I leave now I have to come to terms with that reality. By staying here I can live in a dream of happy endings'

'If he love's you grandma you will always be in his heart'

'I can't compete with his on flesh and blood and I have no right to even try. He deserves to be a father, he was brilliant with your father and uncle while they were growing up and they both loved him too. I can't give him that but Victoria can, so even if he does love me, he wont be able to give up his only chance'

'I think that is for Joe to decide, you can't stay with someone you don't love because of a child, this is the 21st century now grandma, he can have the two of the most important people in his life if that's what he wants and that's you and his child. The question is will you be able to live with him and a his child from another woman'

'I love him, I would do anything to make him happy and I realise that now. I just wish I had realised it a lot sooner'

'You can't change the past grandma, but you can change the future, don't let past mistakes ruin your future'

'When did you become so wise' she smiled

'I had a good teacher…my grandmother' she replied smiling 'now please go home and get some rest, I promise I won't leave him at all and if anything changes I will contact the palace immediately. Besides do you really think Joe will want to wake up to see you looking so exhausted'

All right….but only for few hours' she gave in 'Thank you darling' she hugged her before turning to Joseph. She leaned over so she was close to his ear 'Joseph I am leaving now to get some rest but I will be back in a few hours, I promise' she leaned over and kissed his forehead 'I love you' she whispered before grabbing her jacket and leaving the room to head back to the palace with Shades.

A few hours past and Mia sat by Joe's bed reading a magazine when Victoria entered the quiet room 'Your majesty' she bowed 'If you don't mind I would like to have a moment with my…with Joe'

'I'm afraid that wont be possible'

'Have you been told to stop visitors visiting?'

'I am not permitted to explain myself to you'

'I bet your grandmother has something to do with this' she spat angrily 'Who does she think she is, she isn't even the Queen any more, she cant do this to me'

'She may no longer be the Queen of the country but she will always me, mine, Joe's and the people's Queen'

'And how do you think Joe will feel when he finds out she has kept the woman he loves and his unborn child away from him?'

'I suppose we will find out when he comes round and in relation to the woman he loves I think we both know that she will be here when he wakes'

'He doesn't love her anymore'

'I think you maybe deluded, sorry'

'You can't speak to me like that'

'Oops I just did, sorry'

'I have loved Joe since the first day I met him and if it hadn't been for your grandmother we would have been married by now. She had her chance with him, she had 20 years of chances but all she did was prove that she didn't want him'

'That's not true' Mia replied

'Joe thought it was, why do you think he came to live with me'

'Being Queen means you have to make a lot of sacrifices in life and grandma made the biggest sacrifice of them all, her happiness to serve her country. She has always loved Joe, she was just too scared to admit it, she didn't want to bring shame on the Royal family'

'So she was ashamed of him'

'No, no that's not what I am saying, you're twisting my words'

'She made her decision and now she has to live with it, she needs to let go of her dream and allow him to move on and be happy with his new family'

'No' Mia snapped

'He has a new family now' she smiled rubbing her stomach 'Joey junior is his future'

'I would like you to leave now please' Mia said she didn't want to continue this conversation as she feared she would lose her temper and that was no way for a Queen to behave, she had already said too much 'There is only supposed to be one visitor to a bed' she added

'You can't keep me away forever, I am part of him now whether you like it or not'

'Bet you did this on purpose'

'This was Joe's doing not mine, I just wanted to look after him, I didn't want children, not yet'

'Then why keep it?' Mia asked 'To hurt grandma?'

Before She could reply the door opened and Clarisse entered 'Oh here she is' Victoria said

'Mia what's going on?' Clarisse asked

'I was just explaining to Victoria that it is only one visit per bed, she was just leaving'

'And I was telling your granddaughter that you cant keep me away from him forever, I am carrying his child' she smiled 'I will always be part of his life and you cant change that'

'I am not trying too' Clarisse replied calmly

'Then why won't you let me be with him?'

'As you can see Mia has been visiting him and now I am back, once he wakes and more people are aloud around his bed, you will be more than welcome to see him'

'I want to see him now, I love him' she shouted

'All this shouting and arguing is not helping Joseph' Clarisse replied softly 'I too love him and I am going to stay with him until he has recovered from this, now please could you leave or do I need to get you removed'

'That wont be necessary' she spat 'but I will be back and when I am I will be back for ever' she added before leaving

Mia stood to face Clarisse 'I'm sorry grandma she just turned up'

'It's alright darling, as she said soon she will be in our lives forever so we had better get used to it'

'I don't like her, why did he have to go off with her'

'We can't help who we fall in love with darling, one day you will realise that'

Mia laughed 'He doesn't love her, he can't'

'Only Joseph can answer that' she smiled

'How can you be so calm, before you left you were so upset'

'I have had time to think and getting angry and upset about it wont help, I don't dislike the woman, I just dislike the fact she loves the same man that I do'

'What if he decides to be with her?'

'Then I will have to deal with it' she wiped at a loose tear 'That isn't something I can consider until it becomes a reality darling' she said as she walked over to the bed and placed her hand in his 'My priority now is making sure he wakes up and recovers, we have to remember why he is in this condition, he tried to take his own life and we need to find out why that was'

'Because of that woman' Mia offered

'We don't know that, I fear it was more to do with my rejection'

'But you told the world you loved him, that isn't rejection'

'Maybe it was too late and…' Clarisse stopped suddenly and stood still

'Grandma are you alright?' Mia asked

'My hand' she began 'he squeezed my hand, I'm sure he did' she smiled

'Are you sure? His eyes are still closed maybe you imagined it'

'Joseph' Clarisse moved close to his ear 'Joseph it's Clarisse, if you can hear me squeeze my hand' she said softly and then just waited and a few seconds later he squeezed her hand again 'He can here me' she smiled excitedly

'Shall I get somebody?' Mia asked

'Yes I suppose you should' she replied before turning her full attention back to Joseph 'Oh Joseph you don't know how pleased I am that you are back with us. You gave us all a scare' a tear dropped onto his face as he once again squeezed her hand lightly

Mia soon returned with a nurse 'So he is back with us is he?' the nurse smiled as she approached his bed 'Would you mind if I just take a look at him for a moment'

'No, no sorry of course not' she stuttered as she moved away from the bed leaving his hand go and taking Mia into her arms, hugging her tightly

'Joseph' the nurse called taking his hand in hers 'my name is Linda, I'm a nurse, can you here me' Joseph squeezed her hand lightly 'that's great, your doing well, right Joseph can you open your eyes for me'

Clarisse and Mia both moved a bit closer to observe but his eyes failed to open 'It's ok Joseph, one step at a time' she patted his hand 'You rest now' she added before turning to Clarisse 'It's good progress'

'Why can't he open his eyes?' Mia asked

'You have to remember he has been in a coma for a long time with none of his body working properly, it could just take sometime for his body to begin working again'

'But he will be alright?'

'Let's take each day as it comes but as I said it's good progress'

'Thank you' Clarisse smiled before making her way back over to the bed and taking his hand in hers once again

The following day Clarisse was sleeping curled up in the large soft chair as she had done for a number weeks now. It was late and she was exhausted, she sat hour after hour hoping and praying he would open his eyes and maybe even speak to her until eventually she fell asleep. Joseph flicked his eyes open and then shut again, then open again, it was the first time he had seen light for weeks and it took a few minutes for his eyes to accustom to it. Once his vision was a bit clearer she fixed his eyes on the woman sleeping beside his bed, she was just as beautiful now as he had always remembered her. Her hand was still in his holding it softly and he touch was so comforting. Tears began to slowly roll down his cheeks as he stared at the sleeping figure. He loved her so much and seeing her now only confirmed it once more. He stayed staring at her until she began to stir, he was careful not to squeeze her, she looked tired and he was enjoying watching her look so peaceful, it would be cruel to wake her he had thought. A few minutes later Clarisse stirred again but this time she opened her eyes to find Josephs looking back at her. She slowly moved and smiled 'Hello' she said softly, he didn't reply but just smiled back. That was the first time she had seen his beautiful smile for months and it made her heart beat faster. She moved a bit closer to him and noticed the tears on his face 'Hey' she wiped the tears away softly 'what are all these for?' Once again he didn't respond to her question just continued to maintain eye contact with her and smiled 'Are you in pain?' she asked 'If you are squeeze my hand' but he didn't squeeze it 'Is it me? Am I upsetting you? Should I go, oh Joseph I'm sorry I didn't even consider that I may be the last person you wanted to see' she said as she broke eye contact and began to pull her hand away from his but he squeezed her softly stopping her, she turned to face him again 'S..t..a..y' he mumbled quietly

'What was that?' Clarisse couldn't understand him it just sounded like a noise, she moved her ear closer allowing him to smell her beautiful familiar scent 'S..t..a..y' he repeated

Clarisse smiled 'You want me to stay, Oh Joseph' she cried as he squeezed her hand again and smiled as she sat down on the chair 'I thought you may have wanted me to leave, I'm glad you don't though'

'W..h..e..r..e…….a..m…I?' he managed to say a little louder

Clarisse stood once more so she could see him clearly 'You are in hospital in Genovia'

'Wh..a..t…..ha..pp…e.n..ed?'

'We were hoping you would be able to tell us' she replied 'The doctor's say you tried to commit suicide' she said sadly

Joseph blinked and lost his smile, as another tear escaped 'N o' was all he could manage to reply

'It's ok, we don't need to talk about that now' she stroked his head 'Let's concentrate on getting you better first' she smiled

He didn't say anything just closed his eyes and cried silently; Clarisse's heart was breaking watching him looking so vulnerable and allowed her own tears to fall.

A few days past and each day Joseph should some improvement, Clarisse stayed with him and he received several visits from Andrew and Mia, which cheered him up. His speech was progressing brilliantly and he was now able to speak more clearly and sit up in bed. 'Clarisse, you should go home, you need to sleep' he said softly as he squeezed her hand

'I am fine sleeping here' she smiled

'This is no way for a Queen to sleep'

'Ah but I am no longer a Queen remember'

'You will always be my queen' he pulled her hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of her hand gently 'Please go home and rest, I promise I won't run away'

'You had better not' she laughed

'So will you go?'

'I suppose a few hours wont hurt but then I will be back'

'What will the press think?' he joked

'Nothing that they don't already don't know' she replied

'Clarisse what do you mean?'

'They already know how I feel about you, so they will not question my visits' she said as she put her coat on

'And how do you feel?' he asked

She leaned over closer to him 'Do you really need me to tell you? I love you' she whispered

'And you told the press that?' he looked shocked

'You know I did' she said

'I did?'

'I told them in a press conference the day you left hospital and headed to Spain'

'That was ages ago' he commented looking more confused 'I don't understand, I didn't know'

'You did?' she said

'No' he replied 'You did that for me?'

'I only did what I should have done and what you had wanted me to do for years but then when I finally built up enough courage to do it I was too late. When I arrived at the hospital to see you the nurses told me you had left after the press conference so I assumed you had seen it and decided I was too late' a tear slipped down her cheek as she remembered back to that heart breaking day

'I didn't see any television or papers, Victoria took me straight to a holiday home in the middle of the country away from civilisation. Do you really think I would have left you if I had seen it?'

'I was so emotion and confused I didn't know what to believe' she admitted

'I would never have left if I had known, I know how hard that must have been for you and the fact you did it for me would have made it even more special. Leaving you was the hardest thing I have ever down in my whole life and being in the middle of know where, where I had no signal so I couldn't even speak to you nearly killed me'

'Is that why you took the pills?' she asked

'What pills?' he looked confused once more

'The doctor said you had consumed a large quantity of anti-depressants and alcohol, he said he thought it had been a suicide attempt…was it Joseph? Did you try to kill yourself because of me?'

He held her hand tightly with tears forming in his eyes 'I don't remember' he admitted 'I don't remember anything after speaking to Shades to ensure everything was in order for the coronation'

'How did you get to Genovia? You must remember that?'

'No, I don't…. I don't remember anything' he broke down and Clarisse instinctively took him into her arms allowing him to weep into her shoulder 'It's ok darling' she said as she stroked his back. She knew that if he could remember getting to Genovia, the likelihood was he wouldn't remember anything that happened between himself and Victoria either. After a few minutes Clarisse let him go and looked into his eyes 'It's going to be alright' she reassured him 'I am here, we will get through this together'

'I have put you through enough' he replied sadly 'You made the ultimate sacrifice for me by telling the world how you felt about me, knowing that you would receive some kind of backlash from the people of Genovia and parliament but you still did it for me and what did I do leave you here to face them all alone'

'You didn't know' she wiped his tears away softly

'No I didn't but that doesn't change the fact you had to deal with it all alone. You must hate me'

'Joseph' she cupped his face with her hands never breaking eye contact 'I could never hate you, I love you. I can't lie and tell you everything was alright back then because it wasn't, I was in a very dark place, I wouldn't leave my room for days, I thought you didn't love me anymore' she cried

'Never' he whispered

'I wanted to end it all' she admitted 'But Mia pulled me through, she has grown up into a fine young woman you know' she smiled through her tears

'Just like her grandmother'

'But even at my lowest, when I thought I had lost you forever and there was nothing to live for, there wasn't one single moment that I hated you, I couldn't even if I had tried. I have loved you for so long and never really told you how much you mean to me'

'I don't deserve you' he whispered as he closed his eyes and allowed his lips to touch hers softly for the first time in what seemed like months. She responded by making the kiss more passionate forcing him to part his lips allowing her tongue to explore his mouth as his did hers. All the emotion of the past month or so run through their bodies, both shed tears of joy and they held each other tightly never wanting to let each other go for fear this perfect moment would end. 'They finally pulled apart and smiled 'I have missed you' he whispered 'And I'm sorry'

'I'm sorry too' she replied as she kissed him again before laying her head on his chest as he placed his hand around her 'I love you Clarisse'

'I love you too' she smiled

They remained like that until a nurse disturbed them by entering the room. Clarisse slowly moved out of his arms and smiled 'Sorry' she apologised

'No need' the nurse smiled 'Joseph we will be taking you down for a scan shortly'

'I was just leaving anyway' Clarisse said as she turned to face Joseph 'I will be back later'

'You promise' he held her hand, he looked terrified

'I promise' she whispered as she kissed him softly 'I love you' she added before leaving the room.

Later that day Joseph had been down for his scan and had been moved to a side room on one of the main wards in the hospital. He was reading the book Clarisse had given him when the door opened 'Hello Joe' Victoria Smiled 'How are you feeling?'

'I'm getting there slowly' he replied

'I'm glad, I didn't know what to do with you, you were in a terrible state, I told you not to be so stupid with the drinking and the drugs'

'I don't remember' Joseph admitted 'I remember nothing, I'm sorry'

'You remember nothing, nothing at all?' she asked

'No' he sad sadly 'The last thing I remember was calling the palace when you went to the village to get a paper'

'I see' she smiled 'Do you remember what you did to me?'

'What did I do?'

'Oh Joe you made love to me, over and over it was wonderful'

'What?' he looked stunned 'No….no I couldn't have, I wouldn't' his thoughts immediately went to Clarisse, he couldn't have betrayed her, he wouldn't he thought

'Oh but you did' she smiled 'And I can prove it'

'You can?'

'Joe' she took his hand and placed it on her stomach 'I'm pregnant, isn't it wonderful' she beamed

Joseph pulled his hand away, he couldn't take all this in, not only had he betrayed the only woman he had ever loved but now he was going to have a constant reminder of his betrayal 'What have I done?' he placed his hand on his head 'Oh god what have I done? Why can't I remember, damn it' he slammed his hand on the bed

'Joe this is what you have always wanted'

'No…no.. it's not, I never wanted this, I longed for a child yes but only with Clarisse, I didn't want children with anyone but her'

'But she can't give you one and I can and I am'

'This isn't happening, please tell me this is a horrible dream and that I am going to wake up any moment'

'Joe I thought you would be pleased'

'Pleased no, no, no oh what am I going to tell Clarisse, what a mess!'

'Oh darling I wouldn't worry about her, she already knows'

'She does?'

'She has tried to keep me away from you, but as I told her I will always be part of you know and she cant do anything about it' she smirked

'Did you do this on purpose?' he asked

'What? Joe how can you even ask that?'

'Sorry, it's just I am trying to make sense of all this, I wouldn't knowingly hurt Clarisse I love her'

'Well if I remember correctly you told me you loved me too when you were making love to me'

'No…NO!' he shouted 'Get out, I don't want to hear anymore, I can't remember any of this, please get out'

'But I love you' she said 'and I am carrying your child, that must mean something'

'No I don't want this, I don't love you I'm sorry but I don't'

'What about Joey junior?'

'What?' he looked at her in disbelief 'No I don't want either of you, I can't deal with this'

'I will get you for this Joe, you can't pick me up, get what you want and then throw me to one side with a child in tow!' she spat 'You will pay for this'

'I'm sorry' he sobbed as he rocked back and for 'I'm so sorry'

'You will be' she shouted before leaving pushing past Clarisse as she entered the room to find Joseph sobbing uncontrollably and when she tried to comfort him he rejected her by pushing her away 'Joseph' she looked confused 'Joseph what's wrong?'

'You need to leave' he replied 'You need to go and give your time to someone who deserves you'

'You deserve me'

'No, no I don't, I have done such a terrible thing, it's disgusting, and I feel sick thinking about it'

'Victoria has told you has she?'

'Yes' he sobbed 'I don't remember Clarisse, I don't remember a thing' he swung his arm over the table pushing everything angrily to the floor making Clarisse jump, she had never seen him like this before 'How could I do that to you, I wouldn't do it, I know I wouldn't but she says I did and now there's a baby, oh god what have I done'

'You were ill' Clarisse offered an explanation 'You didn't know what you were doing, she may have taken advantage of your vulnerable state'

'Why are you finding excuses for me?' he asked 'why are you here with me after knowing what I have done? You should be shouting at me or cutting me out of your life completely, who could blame you!'

'Is that what you want?' she asked with tears in her eyes 'Look at me Joseph'

Joseph moved his red tear stained face top look at her 'Do you want me to walk away?'

'No' he broke down and she moved in to hug him 'then don't push me away'

'Why are you excusing my behaviour?'

'Because it is easier for me to deal with if I think it was her taking advantage of you and that you didn't really want her or enjoy it, can't you understand that' she cried as she held his face 'I love you and it breaks my heart to think of you being with another woman'

'I'm so sorry' he wept

'Listen to me Joseph, your ill and we are going to get you better. We have both made mistakes and we can't change them but what happens in the future is down to us now and I don't know about you but I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you to make love to me, for you to be there when I go to sleep and when I wake up. I want you to be there to hug me, hold my hand and accompany me as my lover to all the balls and public appearances. I want the whole of Genovia to know that we are a couple and that I love you. The question is what do you want?'

'I want you' he cried

'Then we mustn't let Victoria or the past get in the way' she kissed him softly 'I know a child is what you have always dreamed of' she began 'And I would never ask or expect you to give up on your child for me. I understand you will want to be part of its life and give it all the love it deserves but we can do that together'

'I don't want the child' he said suddenly 'that may make me a bad person but I only ever wanted children with you. I came to terms with not being able to have any a long time ago and I am happy with that as long as I had you'

'But it's not the child's fault Joseph'

'I know' he whispered 'But every time I would look at it, I would feel disgusted by what I had done, the baby will be a constant reminder of my betrayal to you'

'You may feel differently once the baby is born'

'I wont' he insisted but before she could reply they were interrupted by the door opening. Clarisse looked up and saw two police men enter 'Afternoon officers, what can we do for you?' she asked

'Ma'am we have be altered to an incident that happened a few weeks ago'

'What sort of incident?' she looked concerned

'We have received a complaint from a member of the public ma'am, a serious complaint, if you wouldn't mind we would like to talk to Mr Bonnell alone'

Clarisse looked to Joseph 'No I want her to stay'

'Are you sure sir?'

'Yes, anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of her, we have no secrets' he squeezed her hand and wiped his tears with his other hand

'Very well, Mr Bonnell we have received a serious complaint of assault and rape from a member of the public'


	12. Chapter 12

'What? No' he said looking shocked 'No I wouldn't'

'The lady in question has alleged that on the night of the 25th March you became violent towards her and later raped her' the officer began 'Ma'am we must ask you to step outside' the officer ushered Clarisse towards the door

'No please Clarisse tell them, I wouldn't do this' Joseph said looking scared but Clarisse looked down, deep down she knew he wasn't capable of hurting anyone but he couldn't remember anything and he was ill. He had obviously had sex with this woman resulting in her pregnancy so maybe he did force her but he didn't know what he was doing. 'Clarisse please, look at me' Joe cried but she continued to look to the floor with tears in her eyes, there was a doubt in her mind and she hated herself for it but it was there, she couldn't look into his eyes for fear of seeing his pain 'Clarisse you have to believe me, I wouldn't force anyone to do anything, Clarisse please' he broke down

'Ma'am' the officer opened the door and signalled for her to exit. As she walked out of the room she could hear Joseph sobbing and it broke her heart.

'What happens now?' Clarisse asked as they stood outside his room

'Well hopefully Mr Bonnell will help us with our enquiries and then we can settle this as quickly as possible, however he will be arrested formally and an officer will be stationed by his bedside at all times until he is deemed medically fit and then he will be taken into custody where he will be formally questioned. Depending on the outcome and how helpful Mr Bonnell is will depend on what happens from there ma'am'

'I see, thank you' she said quietly 'I…' she began but before she could continue Shades interrupted them 'Ma'am I am sorry to interrupt but Queen Mia has sent for your immediate return to the palace, the press has been informed of the latest allegations and Parliament are not happy. They have instructed the Queen to order you back to the palace where you must stay until this matter is dealt with'

'I see' she said quietly allowing a single tear to fall, she knew that this allegation could ruin the crown and her family name. Once again she was been placed in a position where she had to choose between her country and love and once again she followed her head and not her heart 'Very well, is the car outside'

'Yes ma'am' Shades replied as he ushered her towards the exit and through the large numbers of press waiting for her.

Meanwhile in Joseph's room the officer returned ' Mr Bonnell, can you tell us what you were doing on the night of 25th March?'

'No' he replied

'If we are going to help you sir, we really need you to co-operate'

'I can't tell you because I can't remember' he broke down again 'Why is she saying these things'

'Mr Bonnell I'm arresting you on suspicion of one count of assault and one count of rape, you have the right to remain silent, if you give up this right anything you say can and will be used as evidence against you in the court of law. Do you understand?'

Joseph nodded 'I wouldn't hurt her'

'Are you aware that the lady in question is pregnant with your child?'

'Yes' he nodded 'She had great pleasure in telling me' he added

'Miss Lonus has been in contact with you?'

'She was here not that long ago telling me how I made love to her and how special it was and now we have a baby to show for it, oh it makes me feel sick just thinking about it'

'I see and you don't remember ever having any sexual relationship with this woman?'

'No, no I can't remember anything, I can't deny that I must have slept with her, how can I deny such a thing when there is a baby but to force her, I would never force a woman to do anything and it makes me sick, I have betrayed the only person I have ever loved and god damn it I can't remember doing it' he slammed his hand onto the bed in frustration

'The lady in question has been examined and has bruises, can you explain these'

'No, no, no' he shouted 'I wish I could but as I said I can't remember'

'Ok I think we should leave it for now, there will be an officer here at all times'

'Can I see Clarisse now?' he asked

'I'm afraid your highness has left sir'

He felt like he had just been told she had died, that's how it felt, she had left him, she obviously believed he had done these awful things, he thought as tears dropped down his cheeks. I have truly lost her now, even if she did believe me, which she obviously didn't, with such bad press she couldn't be seen to be associated to him, they had finally been torn apart and it was all his fault because he had slept with a woman he didn't even find attractive. He rolled over and placed himself into a ball, shaking with tears, he didn't know if he had tried to kill himself but what he did know was he didn't see any reason to live now, what was there to live for, a life in jail with the true criminals and a life without Clarisse, he would rather be dead'

An hour later Clarisse sat in her suite, she had just returned from the meeting with Mia, and the Prime Minister. She had been formally told that she was not to make any contact with Joseph until the allegations were fully investigated and sorted out. She cried as she remembered his sobs as she left. She hadn't even looked at him, she couldn't but the pain of leaving him was overwhelming. Once again he needed her and once again she had let him down for her country and granddaughter. Her thoughts were interrupted by Mia entering 'Grandma' she called quietly as she approached her grandmother and sat down beside her, clearly observing how upset she was 'I'm sorry'

'For what sweetheart, you haven't done anything wrong'

'But I am stopping you from seeing or contacting Joe and I know that is going to hurt you'

'It's a decision made by Parliament and you have to carry out their wishes, you are the countries Queen now and you have to do what's best for the Genovian people'

'Well sometimes I don't like being Queen!' she snapped 'I'm not allowed to see him either'

'Being Queen isn't easy sweetheart'

'Joe wouldn't hurt anyone'

'No the Joseph we know wouldn't but he himself doesn't know what he did so what if, when under the influence of alcohol or drugs he did these horrible disgusting things. I never thought he would betray me but he did' she said bitterly

'So what are you saying? You think Joe is guilty?' Mia looked shocked as did Charlotte who had just entered the room and over heard them talking

'I don't know what to believe' Clarisse admitted

'Ma'am' Charlotte began 'If I may interrupt, I am completely shocked beyond belief that you could even allow yourself to believe Joe could do such evil things. I have known Joe for many years and he is like a brother to me and don't have one doubt in my mind that Joe is innocent of these allegations. Joe would not be capable of such crimes and it would kill him to even think that you could believe such lies. That man loves you more than life itself, he has told me that enough times, he was devastated when you wouldn't commit to him and felt he had no other option to leave. Granted his decision to leave with that woman was foolish but he wasn't to know this would happen, at the time he didn't care where he went as long as it was away from here and you' she snapped 'He loved you so much that he couldn't bare to be around you and not be allowed to show his love. If you loved him as he does you ma'am, we wouldn't even be having this conversation'

'Charlotte' Mia called trying to stop her speech, which was clearly having its affects on Clarisse as she sat sobbing

'No I'm sorry your majesty but I have to say this, we all sit back and do everything we can to help your royals and yes its our job, but you are more than jobs to us, you are like our family and when a family member is in trouble, families stick together. Joe has no family left, his sister lost her life to drugs a few years ago and she was closely followed by his mother, we are all he has and if we his family don't believe him, what chance does he have, we may as well lock him up now and through away the key, although to be honest why both with that as we would be sentencing him to death, he won't survive this without us. He is already vulnerable and Victoria has seen this and is using it. I don't believe Joe has done anything with her at all, the child is either a figment of her imagination or it has another father. Joseph would never betray you ma'am never, he loves you too much'

'Have you finished' Mia said looking annoyed

'I am sorry your majesty, ma'am but I felt I need to say those things'

'Well you've said them now'

'Charlotte's right' Clarisse said suddenly 'I shouldn't have doubted him and I hate myself for doing having such doubts'

'There is one more thing' Charlotte interrupted

'I think you have said enough' Mia snapped

'No Mia please, let her speak, she is only being loyal to Joseph'

'And we are not?'

'No' she cried 'what is it Charlotte?'

'I am aware of the ban on communicating with Joe during this tough time however I am not prepared to leave my best friend, the man who has done more for me than anyone else to go through this alone. I will not be abiding by the rule ma'am and if that means I have to resign my position then you have my resignation'

'What?' No Charlotte you can't do that' Mia said quickly

'I have no choice, I will not allow Joe to go this alone'

'The ruling was to prevent any Royal having contact, it didn't mention employees to the Royals' Clarisse said 'Therefore if Mia agrees I don't see there being a problem in you making contact with Joseph' she looked to Mia who nodded in agreement

'Someone should be with him' Mia added

'Thank you' Charlotte replied 'And I am sorry I spoke out of turn, it will never happen again' she bowed before leaving

'I should be angry with her, so why aren't I?' Mia asked

'Because she was speaking from her heart and everything she said was true' she replied sadly

'What are we going to do?'

'There is nothing we can do, to protect the crown we must follow the wishes of Parliament'

'That sucks'

'He must feel so alone, he called for my help and I couldn't even look at him' she broke down 'I have let him down again'

Mia hugged her tightly 'He will understand grandma'

'I think it's too late for understanding, when he needed me in there to support him, I didn't, I doubted him and left him there alone sobbing. I have lost him again' she continued to sob until finally she fell asleep through exhaustion.

A few days past and Charlotte had visited Joe everyday, after each visit she would report back to Clarisse and each day she became more concerned for his health as he wouldn't speak to anyone, he wasn't eating and he didn't even want any visitors. The medical team and deemed him medically fit and so he was moved into police custody and placed into a cell. He had been questioned at length over the past few days but he couldn't help them as he couldn't remember and he knew without remembering something, he had no chance of proving his innocence and part of him didn't see the point in fighting as the only person he wanted to believe him didn't. 'Charlotte how was he today?' Clarisse asked clearly concerned, no matter what anyone thought, she did love Joseph more than anything and the guilt of hurting him was slowly killing her

'I don't know ma'am' she replied honestly 'He refused to see me'

'What?'

'He has been moved into police custody ma'am and when I went to visit he refused to see me' she said sadly 'if you want my honest opinion ma'am, Joe punishing himself and in doing that he is killing himself'

'I can't bare this, I can't bare to think of him alone, scared and lost'

'He needs to see you ma'am; you are the only person who can pull him out of this depression. I have explained your position and why you haven't made contact but I don't think he is listening to me, he thinks you believe he is an evil monster'

'Oh but I don't' she cried 'I cant deny that I didn't once think he may have done these things but I never believed he would do them while he was himself. I only doubted that if he was under the influence that we didn't know what he would be like. I know it was wrong and I wish I could change it but I cant. I love him Charlotte and I believe he isn't capable of hurting anyone, especially a woman'

'You are telling the wrong person ma'am, it's not me you need to convince, its Joe'

'I know your right but it's impossible, if I break the wishes of parliament I risk damaging the crown and Genovia's future'

'Isn't Joe worth the risk?' Charlotte asked 'Because I believe Joe would think you were worth the risk'

Clarisse remained silent for a few seconds as she processed what Charlotte was saying 'Can you get me a car, I need to go to the station' she suddenly said

About an hour later Shades ushered Clarisse secretly into the police station, the less people knew about her visit the less damage would be caused to Mia and the crown 'Officer I would like some time with Mr Joseph Bonnell if you please' she asked politely

'It is not customary to allow prisoners to have visitors at this time of night ma'am, however as this is exception circumstances I will allow it this once'

'Thank you' she replied gratefully

'If you would like to follow me' the officer lead Shades and Clarisse down a long corridor where loud alarms could be heard 'Stan what's happening mate?' the officer asked

'Oh only that that security guy has head butted himself unconscious, the doctor and paramedics are with him sir'

The officer turned to Clarisse 'Um ma'am, if you could go in here one moment'

'No I would like to know what is happening?' she said

'We have an emergency call at the moment so it's not appropriate for you to visit, maybe you could come back tomorrow'

'Excuse me officer' Shades stepped forward 'The gentleman who has been found injured, is that Mr Bonnell'

Before the officer could reply the paramedics rushed past the three of them, with Clarisse's eyes only catching one thing and that was Joseph's face and a lot of blood 'Oh no' she gasped 'What has he done'

'I'm sorry ma'am, it seems Mr Bonnell has harmed himself'

'Shades I would like to go to the hospital please'

'What about the press ma'am and parliament'

'Joseph could die, I need to be with him' she replied as she walked swiftly back down the corridor. She couldn't believe he had once again tried to kill or harm himself, when was this nightmare going to end.


	13. Chapter 13

Clarisse and Shades followed the ambulance to the local hospital where they were escorted to the now very familiar family room. Joseph was taken immediately into the resus area to be dealt with. Within minutes of her arriving Shades received a phone call from Mia, she was insisting that Clarisse was to return to the palace as Parliament was furious with her, but Clarisse for the first time ever in her life decided Joseph was more important to her than anything and she refused to listen to her granddaughter. It was hours before a doctor came to see her, when he eventually arrived he explained that they had conducted tests and stitched him up and that he was awake. 'May I see him please?' Clarisse asked

'Yes of course ma'am' the doctor smiled 'we will be getting the psychiatrist to visit him before he is taken back to the station'

Clarisse nodded she understood he was doing what was best for Joseph but she couldn't help but feel responsible for all of this, if she had told him how she felt months ago, years ago even, none of this would be happening. She followed the doctor down the corridor and into the small room where Joseph lay under guard. Moving slowly towards him she was taken aback by the damage to his head 'Oh Joseph what have you done?' she whispered as tears stung her eyes. She moved her hand nervously onto his head and gently run her fingers down his cheek making him stir. He opened his eyes and stared at her for a short moment before moving away from her and placing his back to her 'No, go' he said

'Joseph please' she cried

'I don't want you here'

'Don't do this' she placed her hand on his arm but again he moved from her touch. Tears slipped down her face, her heart was breaking right there, he was rejecting her 'I'm begging you Joseph please don't push me away'

'I don't want you hear it, go!' he snapped

'I can't' she broke down 'I love you'

'How can you love someone that you think could hurt a woman in the worst possible way? You can't love me, if you do then you'd be loving a rapist'

'No' she said 'No you are not a rapist, never'

'You left me on my own when I needed you, you believed her. Even if everyone else thought I was capable, I never thought the woman that I loved, the woman who I thought loved me and the woman who I thought knew me better than anyone else would think I was guilty. Please go!'

'Joseph please'

Joseph suddenly turned to face her and met her eyes with his. He took her hand in his 'Tell me you didn't believe the allegations' he stared at her 'Please tell me' he broke down

'I can't' she whispered with tears running down her cheeks 'I can't because that would be a lie and I don't want to lie to you'

Joseph let her hand go and turned to face the wall, allowing his tears to flow freely and silently 'Go!' he said simply

'No Joseph you don't understand, it's not that simple, please let me explain'

'There is nothing to understand, you think I did what she said I did'

'No, no I don't, Oh god Joseph I don't think you could hurt anyone. I couldn't lie to you because when the allegations where first mentioned I did for a short time think that maybe you had done something when you were not yourself, but I never thought you were capable of hurting anyone as the Joseph I know and the Joseph that I am in love with'

'I don't know which Joseph I am anymore'

'You're the Joseph that I fell in love with over twenty years ago, the kindest, most gentle man I have ever known and the one that still makes my heart skip a beat when he touches me, the one I am madly in love with' she blushed as she suddenly remembered they weren't alone

'Please go' he said quietly 'And don't try to visit again, I don't want to see you, it's for the best'

'No' she sobbed 'Joseph I love you'

'Officer please I would like the lady to leave' Joseph instructed

The officer approached Clarisse who was sobbing and ushered her to the door 'I'm sorry ma'am'

'I can't and wont give up on you' she said as they left 'I love you' she whispered as the door shut behind her. She sat on the seats directly outside the room and held herself as her body shaked as she sobbed 'Ma'am let's get you home' Shades said as he helped her up and walked her to the car, trying to protect her from the press.

A few days later Mia had requested the presence of Clarisse, Charlotte and Lionel in her suite to discuss developments. As Clarisse entered the suite she immediately felt all eyes were on her, she had no idea what the meeting was about but she suddenly felt quite confident it had something to do with her. Mia waited for Clarisse to take a seat before starting 'Alright, firstly I would like to thank you all for coming at such short notice, I know you are probably keen to find out what all this is about so I won't keep you waiting and I will hand you over to Shades' she smiled

Shades stood up 'Thank you, your majesty' he bowed 'we are all aware of the situation our friend and colleague Joe finds himself in at the moment. Well since the day he arrived back in Genovia in a presumed drunken state, I have personally been conducting a few enquires through my contacts in Spain. I have worked with Joe for many years and I found this situation very out of character and hard to believe and now finally my contacts have got back to me with some news. It seems my instincts were correct'

'What do you mean/' Clarisse asked

'Well it seems that lady Victoria has a bit of an obsession with Joe. My contacts in Spain have tracked down the cottage she had taken Joe to when they flew from the hospital. In the cottage they discovered a shrine to Joe, including pictures of you ma'am with Joe where she had deformed your face'

'Oh my' she gasped

'Glasses were retrieved and tested as traces of white powder was found. The test show that the powder was an antidepressant'

'So what are you saying?' Charlotte asked in disbelief

'Joe was drugged just as I first thought, he wasn't drunk that evening, he was off his face'

'Drugged, oh poor Joe'

'I'm afraid that isn't all; they also retrieved a diary from the cottage. The diary contains detailed accounts of Lady Victoria's plans to get Joe all to herself'

'What plans?' Clarisse asked

'I'm afraid I don't feel it is my place to repeat it's contents. It doesn't contain pleasant information and I feel it is Joe's place to relieve its contents to those he feels comfortable in doing so with. He has already lost a lot of his dignity, through no fault of his own, I think I owe him this, I hope you understand ma'am'

'Of course' she replied, she could hardly disagree, as everything he had said was true, she just hoped that one day Joseph would share the contents with her.

'He will want to tell you himself I'm sure, he will need someone once he has read it'

'Is it that bad?' Charlotte asked

'I'm afraid so, he is going to need the support of those who love him. One thing I will tell you though is that Joe is not the father of Lady Victoria's unborn child'

'So there is no baby?' Charlotte said

'No there is a baby, but Joe isn't the father' Shades replied

'What happens now?' Clarisse asked, as she looked stunned by the latest revelation

'I have handed the dairy into the police; they seem to think that it is enough to drop all the charges against him. They have placed a warrant out for Lady Victoria's arrest'

'I see'

'So Joe can come home?' Charlotte smiled

'Once the medical team discharge him as medically fit, there is no reason why he may return home'

'That's brilliant'

'Does he know?' Clarisse asked

'Not yet ma'am, I wondered if maybe you would like to deliver the good news'

'There is nothing I would want more but I fear he would refuse to even see me' she admitted 'I also fear he will refuse to return to the palace. Shades you are the one who stuck by him and worked so hard to clear his name, you should tell him'

'I only did what anyone in my position would do ma'am'

'You did what I should have done' she cried

'You position in the Royal family make it more difficult ma'am'

'Thank you for trying to excuse my failures but I know I have let him down and in doing so I have managed to hurt us both. I want him to return to the palace, even if it is only until he fully recovers and I will do whatever it takes to make it happen. This is his home and that's where he needs to be right now surrounded in people who love him. All we need to do now is get him to agree'

'Maybe Charlotte should try' Mia suggested 'He listens to her'

'Yes he does' Clarisse replied feeling angry and jealous even though she knew it was stupid to feel that way.

'I will try ma'am, if it's what you want'

'It is' Clarisse smiled 'If he will only return if I am not here then I will go on vacation, as I said before I will do whatever it takes'

'Yes ma'am' Charlotte replied before heading towards the door. Everyone slowly departed Mia's suite and returned to work. Clarisse entered her suite and sat on the sofa looking at the smashed photo of her and Joseph. Tears once again flowed down her cheeks as the enormity of what had happened since the night she rejected him suddenly hit her. He had been through so much, more than even she knew these past few months and they were further apart emotionally than they had ever been. They had both said and done things that perhaps they shouldn't have, they had both hurt each other and now she felt so useless, it hurt even more. All she wanted to do was take him into her arms and tell him that everything would be all right but she couldn't.

At the hospital Charlotte entered his room, turned to the officer guarding him and handed him a letter 'Officer you may stand down now, Chief inspectors orders' she smiled as the officer read the note before exiting the room. She moved closer to the bed 'Joe' she smiled

Joe rolled over to face her with his sad eyes 'Charlotte, it's so nice to see you, a friendly face' he squeezed her hand

'And you' she replied 'How are you felling?'

'Not great' he admitted

'Well hopefully my news will make you feel better'

'I don't think anything can do that'

'Joe the charges have all been dropped, you are a free man' she beamed

'What? How?' he looked shocked

'Shade's had some contacts in Spain; he has been working hard since you returned to prove your innocence. The found the cottage you were staying in, there was a shrine there with picture of you and Clarisse with Clarisse's head destroyed in them and they found a diary with detailed accounts of Victoria's plans for you. I don't know what the diary says, Shade's is the only one who has read it and the police of course but I do know its enough to drop the charges against you. They are also out looking for Victoria to arrest her. It just proves what we all already knew' she smiled

'Not everyone' he said sadly

'Joe you can come home' she changed the direction of the conversation

'Home? I don't have a home anymore'

'The palace is your home and everyone there are your family, they all love you and want you back'

'I can't come back Charlotte, too much has happened'

'Yes it has and that is exactly why you should return. You have been through so much, you need to be around the people who care about you'

'I appreciate your support Charlotte I really do but returning would mean facing Clarisse and that would hurt too much'

'Joe listen to me, this may not be what you want to hear right now because your hurt and upset but Clarisse loves you. I know you can't see that now and I understand you feel betrayed but you also have to remember that none of us knew how evil Victoria was. Before you left for Spain Clarisse literally put everything on the line for you, something I have never seen her do before. How do you think she felt when she heard you had left the country'

'Hurt' he admitted

'I don't even think that comes close Joe, she stayed in her room for days. The press were sometimes very critical and harsh particularly towards you but do you know what she used to tell me, she used to say, they can say and do what they want Charlotte but it wont change how I feel about him, I love him'

'But she thought I was capable of hurting a woman'

'I don't know about that Joe, all I do know is that she loves you more than anything and she is lost without you. Shades asked her to come and tell you the news today but she refused not because she didn't want to come because she did but because she feared you would reject her. She wants you to come home to the palace, she wants you to be looked after'

I don't want pity'

'Good because you wont be getting any' she laughed 'Do you know what, I think you still love her too'

'I don't know if I can see her everyday Charlotte, your right I do love her, I have never stopped loving her. I love her so much that us being apart hurts but her betrayal hurts just as much'

'Then she will go on vacation until you feel better'

'You can't tell the Ex Queen of Genovia to vacate her palace so her head of security can go home and rest'

'She was the one who offered'

'She offered to go away so I could return' he asked

'She knows you better than you know yourself, she knew you wouldn't return if she was at the palace'

'She would do that for me?'

'She loves you Joe, she would do anything for you'

'But where would she go and who with?'

'I don't know all the details but I suspect she would visit Pierre and Shade would ensure she was accompanied by two members of the security team'

'Which two?' he asked

' You'll never change' she laughed 'Shades will make sure she is safe'

'She will be safer if she stayed at the palace where there is proper security and I know she is safe'

'But then you wont come home'

'I will' he replied 'I will come home, I am not saying it is going to be easy but I will try, at least until I find somewhere else'

'What about Clarisse?' Charlotte asked

'The palace is large enough for us both, I'm sure we will be able to avoid each other'

'If that is what you wish' she smiled 'Oh Joe' she hugged him 'I'm so glad you coming home at last'

'Me too' he whispered


	14. Chapter 14

A few hours later Charlotte arrived at the palace and immediately went to find Clarisse who was in her rose garden watering the roses 'Ma'am' Charlotte called

'Charlotte you back'

'Yes ma'am'

'How is he?' she asked full of concern, she had been worried since Charlotte had left and if she was honest she was jealous too.

'He's a lot better now the charges have been dropped and he is a free man again, it's going to take time but he is doing ok' she smiled

Clarisse continued to water the roses and simply nodded trying to hold back the tears forming in her eyes 'He's coming home next week' she continued

Clarisse stopped what she was doing and looked up 'To the palace?'

'Yes ma'am' she smiled 'It took some persuading but in the end he decided it was for the best until he can find somewhere else'

'I see' she replied 'Should I start packing?'

'Not unless you want to go on vacation but to be honest I don't think that would be a good idea'

'He has agreed to come home to the palace with me still here?'

'Well he said the palace is big enough for you to avoid each other ma'am, but it's a start' she replied 'I'm sorry'

Tears filled her eyes again, he truly hated her, and she had really lost him this time 'I see' she managed to say

'This maybe little comfort for you ma'am but he still loves you, when I told him you had offered to go on vacation, he said it was best you stayed so he knew you were safe. If he didn't care he wouldn't have said that'

'I have lost him Charlotte' she finally broke down 'I'm sorry I shouldn't be doing this in front of you, its just I cant hide it anymore, I cant pretend it doesn't matter because it does. I love him and I hate myself for having that small doubt, I know he isn't capable of hurting anyone let alone a woman, oh what have I done' she sobbed

Charlotte comforted the former Queen, she felt like banging their heads together, they both loved each other and she didn't know of two other people who deserved to be happy more than them.

Over the next few days Clarisse had had Joseph's suite cleaned and made ready for his return. When the day had arrived she was extremely nervous, what should she do, should she stay and greet him, make him know she still cared or stay out of the way in her suite. She placed a vase of her favourite fresh roses in his room, she knew he would know they were from her; she just wanted him to know she was glad he was back. She decided she would greet him with everyone else when he arrived as to avoid him would make things awkward later. She stood nervously next to Mia and Andrew as the car arrived. Charlotte accompanied Joe up the steps and smiled as she saw all the staff there to welcome him. Mia moved forward and hugged him 'Welcome home Joe' she smiled

'Thank you my dear' he returned the smile 'How is married life?'

'It's good' she looked back at Andrew then turned to Joe smiling again 'Really good'

'I'm glad'

In turn they all welcomed him back, Clarisse moved forward slowly 'Your looking well ma'am' Joseph commented coolly

Clarisse immediately knew he had placed a wall up between them and it hurt, it felt like they were strangers, not once lovers. 'I'm glad you've come home' she whispered making his whole body shudder. She moved away to allow Shades to greet his boss and friend 'Welcome back boss' Shades shook his hand before hugging him 'Thank you Shades, you're a good mate' he patted his back 'Thank you for believing in me'

Clarisse felt like he had just stabbed her with that comment, she hadn't believed in him and it was the biggest mistake she had ever made'

'We all did boss'

'I wish that was true' he replied looking at Clarisse, who removed eye contact trying to control her forming tears. Charlotte had witnessed the exchange and could see Clarisse was getting upset so she decided to quickly change the subject 'Well you've had a long day, perhaps we should get you to your suite, yeah?'

'Yes I am tired' he agreed 'Thank you everyone for a lovely welcome back' he said before heading up the stairs to his suite.

Charlotte helped him with his case and then left him alone to settle back in. Once he was alone he looked around the room and smiled, she had had the room cleaned just like he has suspected she would. He smelt the roses and tears filled his eyes, why couldn't everything be like it used to be before they had both said and done things to hurt each other. He made his way over to the sofa where he found a diary with a short note stuck to the front 'Boss, this is the diary of truth! Only the police and myself have read its entire contents, whether any one else finds out is completely your choice. I am around if you want to talk about it, Shades. Joe sat down on the sofa and stared at the pink book in his hands, knowing that if he wanted to know what really happened to him all he had to do was read the diaries contents. He placed the book into the top drawer of the table and covered it with a tablecloth; he wasn't ready to read it yet. He needed sometime to think and get his head around being free and being in close proximity of Clarisse. He decided he needed a shower to help wash off the smell of the hospital and clear his head. Since he had been back which had only been about half hour he could stop thinking about Clarisse, he knew his comments would have hurt her and he hadn't meant to humiliate her in front of all her staff but he couldn't help it.

A few hours later Joe lay awake in bed, he threw back the covers and put his dressing gown on before making his way down to the kitchen for a cup of hot milk. As he sat by the table staring at the clock he heard light footsteps behind him, he knew who it was before even turning around and his whole body tensed up. 'I'm sorry, I didn't know you would be down here, it's late' Clarisse said

'I couldn't sleep' he replied

'Same here, I will go and come back later' she turned to leave before she felt his hand on her shoulder 'don't leave on my account. I will take this up to my room' he said as he held his hot milk

'Is this what it's going to be like from now on, us avoiding each other, with one of us leaving a room as another enters. Joseph, it's like we are strangers, I don't want it to be like this'

'It's the only way I can deal with it, I'm sorry if that upsets you, now if you'll excuse me' he went to leave but she placed her arm across the doorway blocking him 'Joseph we need to talk'

'We are all talked out Clarisse, it wasn't meant to be'

'Is that what you really think?' she asked as tears formed in her eyes 'Can you just forget about everything we shared together because I can't Joseph, I think about you every minute of everyday, no matter what I do to try and change my thoughts, nothing works. I can't get you out of my head, your face the night I said no still plays over and over'

'A lot has happened since then'

'Yes it has and I know it's all my fault'

'Now that's not true' he replied

'Isn't it? If I had said yes that night like I should have done, none of this would have happened because you wouldn't have been out of my sight, you would have been with me'

'We can go over ifs, buts and what ifs all we like Clarisse but it wont change what's happened'

'I know' she sobbed quietly 'I'm sorry I hurt you'

'And I'm sorry too' he replied 'And don't think that I don't think about you everyday too because I do, I couldn't sleep tonight because I knew you were in the room next to mine. It's harder to stay away from you than to be with you believe me. I sat there tonight in bed and all I could think of was coming to see you, taking you into my arms and loving you like you deserve to be loved'

'Well I'm here now' she said 'Hold me Joseph'

'I can't, if I hold you know I won't want to let go'

'I don't want you to let go'

'I can't do this' he shook his head 'No matter how much I want everything to back to how it was, it can't. I love you Clarisse but I can't forgive you' a tear escaped down his cheek 'you though I was capable of raping a woman'

'No' she cried 'No Joseph that's not true'

'It is, remember at the hospital, I took your hand and I asked you to tell me you didn't believe what she was saying and you said you couldn't. Do you know what that did to me Clarisse, I felt like my whole world had collapsed around me and if I am honest I didn't see the point in living anymore'

'Don't say that' she sobbed

'It's the truth, if the one person in the whole world that I trusted and thought loved me could believe I was capable of such a disgusting act then I didn't see a point anymore'

'I know you wouldn't hurt anyone Joseph, please you have to let me explain' she cried

'I don't think there is anything to explain' he said sadly 'I have gone over and over it in my head, trying to search for excuses for you. I don't want to feel like this Clarisse, but there is no explanation other than you doubted me'

'Joseph listen to me please' she placed her hand on his cheek so that he had to look at her. Her touch sent shivers down his spine, a sensation he hadn't felt for a while 'I never doubted you, the man I fell in love with over 20 years ago, I know you would never hurt anyone let alone a woman. What you have to understand is when you came back to Genovia, you weren't the Joseph I knew, and you were like a lost sole, unable to control yourself or remember a thing. That is the Joseph I doubted for a short few moments and that was because you couldn't remember anything, you just seemed drunk'

'But I wasn't'

'No and we know that now. Joseph please don't let this ruin what we had' she moved closer to him 'I have missed you' she whispered as she closed her eyes and allowed her lips to find his, kissing him softly. She didn't know what to expect but was pleasantly surprised when he returned her kiss making it deeper. 'I'm sorry' he said as he pulled away

'What for?' she asked looking confused 'I have missed that' she smiled

'I have too but I let myself get carried away, that should never have happened'

'Joseph'

'I'm sorry' he said before rushing off up the steps leaving Clarisse alone sobbing.

The following morning Charlotte entered Clarisse's suite and found her sleeping on the sofa, it was clear she had accidentally fallen asleep there 'Ma'am' she said softly trying to stir her 'Ma'am' she gently placed her hand on her shoulder and Clarisse woke suddenly 'Oh sorry ma'am I didn't mean to scare you'

'Oh what time is it?' she asked

'10am ma'am, I thought you may have wanted to be woken so that you don't miss Mia before she heads off to France for her annual visit

'Is that today?'

Charlotte nodded 'Ma'am if you don't mind me asking, are you all right? It's just you don't seem yourself this morning'

'I'm fine, thank you Charlotte, I will get ready and make sure I meet Mia before she leaves'

'Is there anything you need?'

'No I think I will be fine, thank you' she smiled as she watched Charlotte leave her suite. Once she was alone she leaned against the cushion and once again allowed her tears to flow freely, just as they had done all evening.

A few hours later Clarisse made her way down to the hall where Mia and Andrew where waiting 'Oh darling sorry to keep you waiting, I didn't sleep too well last night'

'It's ok grandma, no rush'

'Are you all packed?'

'Yes the cases are on board, I was just hoping I would see Joseph before we left but no one seems to know where he is. You haven't seen him have you?' she asked

'No darling' she replied as she remembered the last time she had seen him and tears foamed in her eyes 'I'm sure he will be sorry he has missed you, but you are only going for a few days, he will be here when you get back'

'Yeah I suppose' she smiled

'Right sweetheart are you ready?' Andrew asked kissing her head lovingly

Clarisse closed her eyes for a few seconds and remembered how Joseph used to do that to her when ever she was feeling stressed, he somehow always knew how to make her feel better

'Grandma? Are you alright?'

'Oh yes darling sorry. Now you have a lovely time and make sure you and Andrew get some time to visit the Eiffel Tower, you wont be disappointed' she smiled as she hugged her

'We will and you look after yourself while we are not around to watch over you' she laughed

'I'm sure I will manage for a few days'

'Ok well bye then, we'll see you in a few days'

'Bye darling' Clarisse said as she watched Mia and Andrew depart. Once the doors of the palace were closed Clarisse turned to Charlotte 'Have you seen Joseph this morning?' Clarisse asked

'No ma'am, I don't think anyone has. Jim did say Flower was gone from the stable so maybe he has gone for a ride, he loves riding that horse'

'Yes' she smiled, again memories followed into her mind, they always used to go riding together down deep into the estate where they couldn't be followed or found, where they would have a picnic, such perfect days she thought

'If I do see him would you like me to give him a message ma'am'?

'No, no it's fine thank you' she smiled before heading back to her room.

The following morning, there was still no sign of Joseph and Charlotte was becoming increasingly worried 'Morning ma'am' she bowed as she addressed Clarisse, who was up and dressed early 'You are up early this morning ma'am'

'Yes' she smiled 'I have plans for the rose garden this morning. I don't have anything else planned today do I?'

'No ma'am'

'Do you know what time Joseph arrived back yesterday?' Clarisse asked

'He didn't ma'am'

'What do you mean he didn't?' she looked confused

'This was a matter I wanted to discuss with you ma'am; Joseph hasn't been seen for more than 24 hours now. Flower is still missing from the stables ma'am, if I am honest I am rather concerned ma'am'

'Where could he be?'

'I know Joseph has been through a lot and he hasn't been himself throughout it all but this is definitely out of character ma'am'

'I agree' she nodded 'Let's go to his suite and see if he has left anything that may help us' she continued as she lead the way

A few moments later they were in Joseph's suite, his bed was untouched and his room was looking empty. Clarisse opened his wardrobes, praying his clothes were still there and she sighed with relief when the wardrobe was full 'Ma'am' Charlotte called 'Ma'am I found this in the roses' she handed Clarisse an envelope addressed to her. Clarisse nervously opened the envelope not knowing what it would contain. She pulled out a letter and she opened it up before starting to read it

_**To my darling Clarisse**_

_**How do I start a letter like this, I have sat here now for hours thinking of what to write but I am not good at goodbyes so here goes.**_

_**A lot has happened these past few months and we have both said and done things that have hurt each other. I never imagined that we would have ended up like this; I always thought we would grow old together, enjoying life together. When I ran of tonight I decided it was time I faced my fears and I sat and read the diary Victoria wrote and now I know I have no right to be angry with you and I want you to know that I forgive you, I understand why you didn't believe me, if I had been you I wouldn't have believed me either. I have hurt you so much, more than I ever imagined and that woman has taken away everything I ever stood for. The things she did to me make me feel physically sick and I can't deal with it, I feel dirty and violated. The fact I even went near another woman makes me sick. **_

_**I can't live with these thoughts anymore and I can't live knowing what I have done to you. I love you so much Clarisse and all I have done is hurt you, even tonight when we shared the best moment I have had since the last time we kissed I still managed to hurt you. I am no good for you and I know that now, there will be someone out there that will be perfect for you and treat you right, I just hope you find them.**_

_**You will always be in my heart and I don't want you to mourn for me, I want you to be happy that you are free from me.**_

_**I just ask two things of you, treasure the memories of out time together and always remember that I have and always will love you with all my heart.**_

_**I am so sorry darling**_

_**Goodbye, god bless**_

_**Your Joseph xxxx**_

_**P.S Sorry I borrowed Flower, you will find her at our special spot waiting for you xx**_

By the end of the letter Clarisse was shaking as tears flowed down her cheeks 'Ma'am are you alright?'

'He's saying goodbye' she sobbed

'Goodbye, oh not again, where is he going?'

'No this is different Charlotte….he's not leaving the palace, he's gone to end his life'


	15. Chapter 15 The Final Chapter

'What? No he wouldn't ma'am, you must be mistaken'

'I wish I was' she said as tears poured down her cheeks 'He has read the diary Charlotte'

'How could he do this to us, to you?'

'I need to find him' she said suddenly 'I need to find him and stop him doing this'

'Ma'am he has been gone a long time now, it will be too late' Charlotte said tearfully

'I can't give up on him, not now, please could you ask Jim to saddle up Jacob, I think I know where he may be'

'Should I inform Shade's?' she asked

'No, I know it is against protocol for me to go out alone but these are exceptional circumstances. If I do find Joseph I don't want anyone else there, whether he is alive or dead'

'I understand' Charlotte nodded before heading off to the stables

A few minutes later Jacob was all saddled up and Jim had helped Clarisse onto her beloved horse 'Here take this' Charlotte handed Clarisse a cell phone 'Use it if you need help'

'Thank you' she smiled before heading off into the woods

She galloped through the woods and the palace grounds until she reached the sea and the cliffs. She spotted Flower tied up under a tree; she climbed down from Jacob and tied him up on the tree next to her. She looked onto the beach but it was clear, her heart beat faster as she looked up to the cliff and saw Joseph sitting on the edge with his head in his hands. 'He's alive, thank god' she breathed as she moved quickly towards the cliff.

'Joseph' she called softly not wanting to startle him

Joseph lifted his head up and looked at her through his teary eyes, he looked awful, she had never seen him look so tired, upset and old, yes he was looking really old 'What are you doing here?' he asked

'I thought that would be obvious' she replied 'I find a letter from the man I love telling me he loves me but he cant live anymore, why do you think I'm here Joseph' she almost snapped

'I was meant to be dead by the time you found that' he said 'I couldn't even do that right'

'Well I'm glad you didn't'

'Why? You will be better off once I am out of your life forever, you can move on and find a man that deserves your love'

'I don't need to find one, I already have one'

'I just keep hurting you'

'Joseph we have both said and done things that have hurt each other but we can work through them because we love each other. I don't care about what has happened in the past, the past is just that the past! All I am interested in is the future, our future'

'I don't have one' he sobbed

'You do if you want one' she replied moving closer to him 'I know I want one with you'

'Why do you still want me after everything I have done?' he broke down

'Because I love you and when we look back at everything that has happened, you have not done much wrong, if we are looking for blame then the finger should be pointed at me. I was the one who hurt you twice and don't think I haven't regretted the words that came out of my mouth on both of those occasions because believe me I do and if I could take them back I would. This whole mess we are in is my fault not yours, so don't punish yourself and all of those who love you. If you want to punish me then do, I could hardly blame you but don't do it like this please'

'None of this is your fault' he looked at her through his teary eyes 'I was the one who couldn't wait and asked you to marry me at the most inappropriate time, I was the one who left with Victoria, I was the one who….who…'

Clarisse placed her hand lightly on his shoulder 'Please don't, don't do this to yourself'

'I feel dirty and disgusted with myself' he admitted

'You did nothing wrong Joseph, you were the victim'

'I am a bodyguard and I could even stop a small woman from…' he sobbed

'Shush' Clarisse pulled his head into her chest comforting him as her tears fell silently

'I'm weak, I'm not fit for the job of looking after you'

'Listen to me' she lifted his head to face her 'you are the best bodyguard anyone could ask for and anyone who had you working for them would be very lucky, I know I am. Joseph I don't know in detail what that woman did to you, maybe in time you will want to share it with me but what ever she did do you have to remember she drugged you, made you incapable of moving let alone fighting her off, there was nothing you could do'

'I betrayed you with another woman' he sobbed 'I'm so sorry'

'You have nothing to say sorry for, you haven't betrayed me Joseph, you didn't know what was happening to you, you didn't choose to sleep with her. If anyone is guilty of betrayal its me for not believing you straight away and for that I am truly sorry' she cried 'I love you so much Joseph, the thought of you not being here breaks my heart'

'I love you too' he managed so say through his sobs 'I just don't want to hurt you'

'Then you wont want to be doing anything stupid like jumping off here then will you' she smiled trying to make light of the horrible situation they were facing 'If you jump, I might as well follow because without you I don't want to live anymore, that's how much I love you. I want to be your wife Joseph; I want to show everyone that even after everything that has happened that love can win through in the end. Marry me Joseph, please'

He avoided eye contact for a few seconds before turning to once again look into her beautiful blue eyes, taking her hands in his 'Are you sure you want me with all my baggage, I cant promise this is going to be easy, I have a lot of issues I need to deal with'

'Then let us deal with them together, don't shut me out Joseph, let me help you'

'What if I lash out?'

'Then you lash out, I know you would never hurt me physically and I know you would never mean to hurt me verbally, we will deal with it Joseph, just say yes please'

'Yes' he said with a smile that she hadn't seen for a long time

'Really' she beamed 'Oh Joseph' she hugged him tightly 'You have made me so happy'

'Not as happy as you have made me, a few hours ago I was going to end it all and now I am standing here with the most beautiful woman in the world and she is now my fiancée'

'How things can change' she smiled 'Please can we move away from the edge now?'

'Yes, I'm sorry' he said as he let her go and led her back to safety. As they reached the horses Joseph pulled Clarisse towards him 'Thank you' he said

'What for?'

'For loving me'

'Oh that's easy' she replied before kissing him softly

'You are an incredible woman Clarisse'

'No I'm a lucky one for having someone who loves me like you do'

Joseph silenced with a breathtaking kiss, he had missed her so much and it had been so long since they had been so comfortable with each other. Clarisse moved her hands up behind his head as the kiss got deeper and hungrier before they pulled apart to catch their breathes 'I have missed you' she whispered

'I will never leave again'

'I wont let you' she kissed him softly 'Stay with me tonight?'

Joseph hesitated and pulled away from her hold 'I….I… its not that I don't want to' he turned away from her as his eyes filled with tears again 'I…..'

'Joseph' she placed her hand on his shoulder and spun him around 'It's alright sweetheart, I understand your not ready, it will take time'

'I'm sorry' he broke down

'We have all the time in the world, there is no rush'

'I want to be with you' he began 'I am just scared'

'It's ok, we will take it at your pace' she leaned in and kissed him 'As long as I know I have you back and I can have sneaky kisses off you I don't mind'

'I'm sorry'

'Enough of that word' she smiled 'just don't shut me out Joseph, talk to me, help me understand how your feeling, maybe it will help'

'I will try' he hugged her

A few weeks later, Clarisse and Joseph were still working through his issues but they were getting on better now than they had done for months. The atmosphere in the whole palace was lifted by their blossoming relationship and the nation was waiting on news from the couple. They had decided not to declare their engagement to anyone for the time being as they were just enjoying each others company again and didn't want the pressures that came with going public with the news. Joseph walked Clarisse back to her suite as he had down every night since they returned to the palace together 'Thank you Joseph' Clarisse smiled 'would you like a coffee tonight?'

'I think I would' he replied, he just wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. He had found the past few weeks hard, opening up to her, allowing his emotions to take over but it had brought them closer together. 'Clarisse' he called as he closed the door

Clarisse turned to face him 'is everything all right? If you've changed your mind about the coff…' before she could finish her sentence Joseph kissed her 'What was that for?' she blushed

'I love you' he breathed

'And I love you' she laughed before turning to head for the sofa before he lightly spun her around to face him 'No Clarisse you don't understand, I really love you and I want to be with you'

'You are sweetheart'

'I want to make love to you Clarisse, I'm ready'

'Oh….I see' she blushed

'I'm sorry I didn't mean that to sound so…'

'Shush' she kissed him 'Are you sure?'

'I have missed you so much; I don't want to be apart from you anymore. I'm just punishing myself, every night I say goodnight my heart aches to be with you'

'Oh Joseph' she hugged him as a loose tear escaped

'If it's too soon for you I understand'

Clarisse replied by kissing him passionately 'Does that answer your question' she smiled before leading him towards the bedroom.

The following morning Joseph lay with his arms around Clarisse and he watched her sleep before kissing her cheek lightly 'Morning darling' he whispered

'Morning' Clarisse turned to face him and smiled 'I thought I had dreamt last night'

'It wasn't a dream, it was perfect' he kissed her

'Yes it was' she beamed

'I should get going though before your maids arrive' he slipped out of bed and began to dress

'You don't have to' she said

'Oh what would they think'?

'I don't care what they think Joseph, I don't want to hide our relationship away, and I want everyone to know we are engaged and that soon you will be my husband'

'I want that too'

'Then lets make an announcement today, lets tell the world. Then there will be nothing to stop you from staying with me in my bed all the time' she smiled

Joseph leaned over and kissed her 'If we are going to go public then you may be needing this' he handed her a small dark green velvet box. Clarisse opened it slowly and gasped, it was a beautiful diamond ring 'Oh Joseph' she cried 'It's beautiful'

'Not as beautiful as it's owner' he kissed her again 'If we are going to make the announcement I want to do it properly' He moved around to her side of the bed and sat next to her 'Clarisse, darling, please would you do me the honour of becoming my wife'

'Of course I will' she kissed him passionately

A few hours later Clarisse and Joseph had spoken to Andrew and Mia about their engagement and they had gathered all the staff together to inform them. The joy in the palace was clear to see and everyone congratulated them one by one. Mia released a statement later that afternoon announcing the royal engagement and the following days were much a blur for the happy couple as they were the hottest news in the World. Everyone wanted the first pictures of the happy couple together and the Genovian people were ecstatic about the upcoming wedding. Clarisse and Joseph were both overwhelmed by the support and congratulations they had received, so much so they decided it was only fair to give the public want they wanted and that was to see the couple together. 'Are you alright?' Clarisse asked as she squeezed his hand

'I can't lie, I am nervous' he replied

'It will be alright'

'I know, it's just that I am used to being at the back observing not the one centre of attention'

'We owe this to them for all their loyal support, you wont be alone' she kissed him softly

'I know, thank you'

'Are you both ready?' Charlotte asked

'As ready as we will ever be' Joseph smiled before the balcony doors opened and they walked together hand in hand out to a scene he thought he would never see. There were thousands of people cheering and waving flags, chanting their names. Clarisse squeezed his hand lightly 'How do you feel now?' she whispered

'Like I'm in a dream, there are so many people here'

Clarisse smiled as the crowd began to chant 'Kiss her'

'Is that aloud?' Joseph asked bashfully

'Of course' she laughed 'but only if you want to'

Joseph didn't need to think anymore about it, he moved close to her and kissed her softly as the flashes of cameras continued to try and get the shot everyone had waited months for. 'I love you Clarisse' he said as they parted

'And I love you' she smiled before they both looked back towards the crowds of people.

A few months later Clarisse and Joseph finally got married and began to enjoy life as Mr and Mrs Bonnell.


End file.
